You know when there is something exciting that you are anticipating you might find yourself counting down the days till said event occurs. For example, tonight there are tons of little 5-year-olds too excited or anxious to sleep because tomorrow is the first day of Kindergarten... their first day of school with big kids. Or the teenager who is just a few weeks from turning 16 and being able to show his/her independence by obtaining their drivers license, and the thousands of first year college students who will, over the coming weeks, uproot themselves from their hometown and will plant themselves in a completely new city, state, and/or country to begin their education that will help mold their future careers. Those are the ones you know are counting down the days till a new chapter begins... or a new sense of "freedom" is found.
But what about those times that you may find yourself secretly counting down the days, or it may find its own way across your mind/heart. That's where I've been over the last few weeks. Some know what is going on, many don't... and that's okay, I share it with you my dear readers because after all it is a matter of my heart : )
As of yesterday (Saturday, August 22, 2009) Nathan Ryan reached the age that his older brother, Billy Jr. was when he died. Which means today (Sunday, August 23, 2009) he is one day older than Billy Jr. It's kind of a strange feeling. Mostly because the last time I held and loved on sweet Baby Billy he was only 2 months old. Nathan is laughing and cooing and playing with me and I can feel him and love on him at 5 months of age. I didn't get that opportunity with Billy.
I'll make this short and sweet, it is not my intention to bring pain to anyone's heart, but rather hope and peace... We (my family) are so blessed by the birth of Nathan Ryan and the joyful heart that God has placed within him. These last few weeks have been bitter sweet and I treasure all the moments I shared with Billy and I trust that he knew who I was. In the same way I treasure every single moment with Nathan (even the moments when he is inconsolable) and I know when he looks at me with his great big smile he knows who I am, that he can trust me. It's hard to cry when you've got this adorable face looking up at you...
Nathan Ryan Darnell age: 5 mos.
" 'For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' " ~ Jeremiah 29:11