A few weeks ago I had the honor and privilege of hanging out with some of my favorite people... my sister, her hubby, and their three beautiful children, in Colorado Springs, CO. Each night I would help put my niece and nephews to bed and part of that privilege is snuggling with my 5-year-old niece, Avery in her bed for a bit as well as with my 2-year-old nephew, Nathan in his bed. One of my last nights visiting them in Colorado Nathan and I had finished praying and we were just chatting. I'm not sure of the exact context, but we got to talking about his big brother, Billy (who passed away of SIDS in March 2008). I asked Nathan if he knew who Billy was and he shook his head "yes." I then asked him if he knew where Billy was. Nathan answered very confident-like with, "Yeah, he's in Heaven, with Jeos [Jesus]." The way he sounded so confident just blew me away. I knew that my sister and brother-in-law share many stories about Billy and celebrate him on his birthday here on earth as well the day God called him home, but I was still taken by surprise by how much Nathan "knew." I realize he is only 2 and may not fully comprehend, but I look forward to the day that he understands more. He knows that he'll see his brother once again, and although I would have loved to see them grow up together, I put my trust in what God ultimately has planned.
The reason I share this story is because I've been spending a lot of time thinking about what I'm doing with my life and the path that God has called me down. I had a friend lovingly question my motives for wanting to move to Colorado to be closer to my sister and wanting to spend so much time focusing on helping (and ultimately being on staff) with SIDS America. I love that she did, because it got me thinking seriously about my heart and my intentions. I thought about it all last night, this morning when I woke up, this morning during my run in the rain, and now I'm writing it out. It's because of Avery, Nathan, and Jared (my sister's 3 kids here on Earth). It's because they won't get to know their brother this side of Heaven, but yet they know who he is. I want to spend my days working with grieving families so I don't forget where my family has been and what God has/is bringing us out of. I want to sit with these families for however long it takes because I longed for someone to sit with me during my grief over losing my nephew nearly 4 years ago. I want to give back in a subject that is barely touched both in the church and outside the church. The career I've chosen is difficult for some to understand, I get that. There are plenty of other things I would not be good at, but that's why God created people who are. I feel called to do what I do, I trust that God gives me the strength to be the compassionate, caring, and loving person I need to be for my patients. Plus I love talking and hearing about peoples lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
So why are my eyes fixed on a move to Colorado and being a part of something new and amazing in SIDS America? Because there is a love, a patience, a compassion burning deep inside my heart. So much so that if I ignore it I feel like I'm ignoring God.
"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing... Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever." ~ Psalm 23:1,6