tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56007365447760232842024-03-13T14:48:15.274-07:00Behind the MaskCristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.comBlogger199125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-32331006673941722432015-01-13T10:55:00.000-08:002015-01-13T10:55:20.074-08:00It's the Little Things<div align="center">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."</span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="color: blue;">~ Joshua 1:9 (ESV)</span></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I've known for a long time that my number one love language is words of encouragement. It goes beyond the "good job," or "you're awesome" or beautiful or whatever [insert uplifting word here]. No, for me it's the questions about everyday life. It's more than the "how are you?" and more like, "how are the wedding plans going?" (at least in this season). Or even the "how'd your test go?" It's remembering the specifics of what I shared with an individual and then the follow up that comes after. It's knowing that someone is not just <strong><em>hearing</em></strong> what you say, but that they are<em><strong> listening</strong></em> to what you say. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
From my fiancé it's the little notes that he leaves hidden in my apartment when he comes over to hang out. My most recent treasure I found in my coffee maker :) He <em><strong>knows</strong> </em>me because he's taken the time. Words of encouragement are not his love language, but he goes out of his way to feed mine because he knows the joy it brings to my heart.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
In my job it's hearing back from a patient the feedback or encouragement I may have given them in a session and getting to hear how it may have helped. I don't say that to brag about my ability as a counselor, in fact it's not by any ability of my own whatsoever. In those moments there's an immediate "praise God!" For it is by Christ who strengthens me that I'm able to do anything at all (Philippians 4:13).</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
In the last 24 hours my words of encouragement have come thru my boss who relayed positive feedback I had shared with a patient. Feedback that as she let it sink in she found that her nightmares subsided. Again, nothing I did, but rather a peace I've found in Jesus Christ who strengthens me daily in my ability to serve as a counselor. It came from a co-worker asking me how my medical test that I was extremely anxious about went last week, and from another co-worker who asked about the details of my upcoming wedding.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
For me, words of encouragement comes by showing interest and remembering what was shared. I try to use that in my profession, to remember that each person who comes into my office seeking help is a person who just wants to be known. There's something sweet about being known... and others wanting to ask so that they may know you.</div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-41547531236688287622014-12-05T12:17:00.003-08:002014-12-05T12:17:45.039-08:00Currently Loving... The Engaged Version It's been a cloudy, rainy morning in my neck of the woods today. Most of the time I love weather like this, but I recognized today my heart was not in it. And so rather than getting sucked into the abyss that is sometimes dark and depressing, I opted to write about ALL the things I'm LOVING in this season of life...<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">My fiancé and the 18+ months of love, laughter, blessings, and adventure he's brought into my life!</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Albert George, the ever mischievous and curious kitty</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">An office with windows where I can see the outside world </span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Working alongside an incredible group of providers and clinicians who bring me joy and encouragement on a daily basis</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">An incredibly wonderful and beautiful friend who despite living 5000 miles away still helped me find my wedding shoes :)</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Becoming an aunt again in Spring 2015</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Daily conversations where I'm convinced I learn more from my patients than they do from me</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Outspoken hearts that open the door for me to share my faith in the midst of what I do</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">The peace of God which surpasses any and all of my human understanding</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">A church family that provides a ministry for my fiancé and I to become equipped in preparing for marriage</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Knowing that my fiancé is going to make an INCREDIBLE uncle to my nieces and nephews who've captured my heart all these years</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">God working out the junk in me so that I can be the wife He's designed me to be</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">How well my fiancé knows me and loves me</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">Prayer... anytime, any place</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #e06666;">That even when I'm anxious or freaking out about something, God's got it all under control</span></li>
</ul>
<span style="color: #e06666;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="clear: right; color: #e06666; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" aria-busy="false" aria-describedby="fbPhotosSnowliftCaption" class="spotlight" height="425" src="https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-xfp1/t31.0-8/10557687_1495960554025149_3082565703682757725_o.jpg" width="640" /></span><br />
<div>
</div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-89724899268669770642014-11-01T08:08:00.001-07:002014-11-01T08:08:39.813-07:00Happy Birthday Billy!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-efDaJpzIeok/VFT3PLzIQDI/AAAAAAAAAyY/7sNaaeuUXHU/s1600/naptime.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-efDaJpzIeok/VFT3PLzIQDI/AAAAAAAAAyY/7sNaaeuUXHU/s1600/naptime.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
My Sweet Nephew,<br />
<br />
Today would've been your 7th birthday here with us. When my busy brain slows down and I think about all the things you'd be doing right now I miss you that much more. But then...God reminds me that another birthday passing means another year closer to seeing you and holding you again. When I miss you, I pray that my vision of Heaven would increase, and my grief, my confusion about what happened would greatly decrease. <br />
<br />
Billy you'd be in 1st grade, most likely in the same school as your big sister and little brother. When I look at your sister and brothers I am filled with such joy and peace that God has graced upon your family in the midst of such great loss. You are the piece that is missing, but God fills that void with such peace and patience as we await our call home to Heaven. Yesterday was Halloween, your big sister went as Olaf, a funny snowman from a Disney movie (you would've loved him, just like she does). Nathan went as a cowboy, the most handsome cowboy I've ever seen. And Jared was a football player, a Denver Bronco to be exact. Your brothers LOVE football, and are constantly playing. There are a lot of Denver Broncos vs. Dallas Cowboys games in your home. And one of the coolest things to watch is how your baby brother, Jared is learning his phonics and finds similar sounding football teams to Denver Broncos...he's teaching me a lot ;-)<br />
<br />
Guess what else has happened recently... I'm getting married! You would've loved Quentin, and he would've loved you. It's hard knowing that you won't be there celebrating with us when our special day arrives. But yet, we know you'll have a front row seat with many of our other loved ones who won't be there either. Sometimes I wish I could understand God's purpose in taking you home so early, but then I wonder what I'd miss out on or lessons lost if I did understand. God's pretty good about teaching us patience and trust, isn't he?<br />
<br />
I love you bug, and I LOVE being your aunt. You are missed, but I continue to trust God for all that He has planned in the midst of having lost you. Happiest of Birthdays B! <br />
<br />
xoxoxo,<br />
Aunt Cristyn<br />
<br />
<br />Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-31240356067351551342014-10-01T06:09:00.001-07:002014-10-01T06:09:54.372-07:00Grieving...Grief sucks... I tried to think of a better way to open up this post, but truly I've got nothing else. Grief is uncomfortable, often times completely unexpected, and hard. There's no time frame for it, in fact, often times it starts when we least expect it and continues for an indefinite amount of time. And there are not many people that know what to say or do in times of grief. Despite having faced my own unexpected grief in life, when the tables are turned and someone is in need during their time of mourning I struggle to know how to love them well. I sometimes wrestle with my own confusion, not able to wrap my mind around the purpose or plan behind the loss has occurred. <br />
<br />
You see, just over 5 months ago my family (or soon to be family) lost a great man. My future father-in-law became very sick one morning and by that afternoon he was dancing and singing in the presence of our King. It's been a journey of more questions than answers, and having the privilege of encouraging the man that I love (and who will soon be my husband) that it's okay to feel whatever he's feeling. It's OKAY to cry, it's OKAY to get angry, it's OKAY to miss someone you love being here on earth with you all the while knowing they are in a better place with God. Some days I think grief should be easier for me because of what I do each day, but then I remember I too am human, there are no powers that protect me from the wave of emotions of grieving. Praise God for that, despite the discomfort I find that so much strength and faith comes out of allowing myself just to mourn sometimes. <br />
<br />
In addition to losing my future father-in-law, my fiance's family faced another loss in the last week. A close family friend, a man considered to be like a second father to my fiance was killed in a tragic accident. Nearly 5 months to the day of losing his dad, my guy faced the loss of another man that he truly admired, and without warning. I think sometimes what makes grief the hardest is watching the people you love grieve, and knowing that they have to, they have to face the waves of emotions and find comfort in the fact that God's plans are better than anything we could ever imagine. <br />
<br />
As hard as it was some days enduring the unexpected loss my family faced 6 1/2 years ago, I can see how God has used that to be able to love and comfort my fiance through this time. I see how my sister, who lost her baby has been able to encourage my guy, and the comfort he has in being open with her about his own grief. Despite grief being hard, I think the most beautiful product from it is how God intertwines lives and experiences to encourage each other, to love one another, even if it's a complete stranger.<br />
<br />
Another man was hurt in that same accident that took the life of my fiance's family friend. He is facing a long road to recovery, and one of the most beautiful things I've seen come out of this situation is the love and support for this man. The family that lost their husband, their father, their grandfather has set up a way to help this man as he journeys thru his own recovery. Please consider giving to the Townsend family, although you may know nothing about this man or this situation, if you have faced a journey with grief consider this as being a way you can "pay it forward." A way you can give knowing how difficult it can be going through the motions of mourning.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.giveforward.com/fundraisers?query=Kevin+Townsend">http://www.giveforward.com/fundraisers?query=Kevin+Townsend</a><br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue;"><b><i>The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~ Psalm 34:18</i></b></span>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-91879706428265406642014-05-26T21:04:00.000-07:002014-05-26T21:04:02.780-07:00Trust and Hope<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Trust:</span> </b>belief that someone or something is reliable, good, effective, honest, etc.<b> </b></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(courtesy Merriam-Webster Dictionary online)</span><br />
<br />
<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">Hope:</span> </b>to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true </i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">(courtesy Merriam-Webster Dictionary online)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
Listed above are two words that I've found myself grasping tightly to in this year, 2014. <b>"Trust"</b> came through time spent with God and prayerfulness as 2013 was winding down and 2014 was on the horizon. Here we are and the sun is just about to peak over this year and I find myself adding another word to the list...<b>"Hope."</b> While Merriam-Webster is very helpful in giving me the English language definition of trust and hope, I have become intrigued to find what God says in His word about both trust and hope. <br />
<br />
<b><i>"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal." ~ Isaiah 26:3-4 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
<b><i>"In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name." ~ Psalm 33:21 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
I realized in my time with the Lord as my heart was preparing for all the excitement and unexpectedness that comes with one year ending and another beginning that there is a constant theme of desperately trying to depend on my own ability. That I am not leaning into and trusting the Lord for the things he desires for me to trust in him for, I do not live out Proverbs 3:5-6 as much as I'd like to think that I do. So then the question I had to ask myself is "why not trust the Lord? What is your fear?" And I find that it all goes back to feeling out of control and believing in some warped sense that I can control things. HA!! Praise God that he has been gentle with me as I come to terms with my inability and grasping onto how truly able He is! For me trust has truly been a gentle word, a word of peace over my life. As I let go of the things I'm trusting myself to accomplish/complete, and turn it over to God I am better able to see His work in my life and those around me. My heart is grateful for my insufficiencies and that He is truly sufficient enough (2 Corinthians 3:5).<br />
<br />
Now with nearly half the year complete I've been in the book of Romans for the last 6 weeks or so and focusing on chapter 8, one verse at a time. Tonight, through meditating on God's word, prayer, and worship I broke down Romans 8:24-25 realizing the significance of the word "hope" with where I am right now. <br />
<br />
<b><i>"For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."</i></b><br />
<b><i>~ Romans 8:24-25 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
And then through my study on scripture of "trust" I realized how closely connected both "hope" and "trust" are throughout God's word. The connection for me has been that as I trust in the Lord, I find that my patience for that in which I hope deepens...lengthens.<br />
<br />
<b><i>"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." ~ Romans 15:13 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
I even found where hope sandwiched trust in Psalm 33....<br />
<br />
<b><i>"We wait in <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">hope</span> for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">trust</span> in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">hope</span> in you."</i></b><br />
<b><i>~ Psalm 33:20-22 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<b><i><br /></i></b>
The Lord has spoken as I've sought him...what words is he speaking to you? What theme do you find running in your season of 2014?Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-27509831994815144822014-03-14T15:28:00.000-07:002014-03-14T15:28:04.996-07:00Gentlemen...This Blog's for You!As I was getting my self primped and ready for work this morning one of my favorite songs came on my itunes playlist. For me it's one of those songs that I've used, ever since it was released, to pump me up and encourage myself. Even at 32 I have my moments where my self-esteem is less than stellar, and through my posts, you can catch up on another time I've shared on self-esteem and inner beauty (<a href="http://crohloff.blogspot.com/2012/02/strip-me-what-will-you-find.html">Strip Me... What Will You Find?</a>). But I digress, for today's inspired blog comes not just from this song, but as my mind started to wander and I found myself contemplating why there's not as much focus on encouraging men in the same way. Now, I could be completely off base, there may be 5000+ bloggers out there purely dedicated to boosting the self-esteem of me, but I cannot help but wonder, how many of them may bring God into the mix.<br />
<br />
Let me give you a small taste of the song that inspired me this morning...<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>He's on the edge of giving up tonight<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />He's feelin' like he's wasted the best days of his life<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Afraid he'll never be the man he thought that he could be<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />When he looks inside he's so ashamed of who he sees*</i></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I cannot help but wonder how many guys feel this way when they look at themselves, or think back on decisions they've made in their lives or are in the midst of making? I know men and women are different, I'm not so naive to completely miss that. But are we <i>really</i> that different when it comes to struggling with our self-esteem. Let's be honest though, in a crowded room of men and women, you're more likely to see women raise their hand when answering the question, "who here struggles with self-esteem?". But being that I have two older brothers, a brother-in-law, a father, and a boyfriend...I wonder what's my role in encouraging them when they are discouraged with how they see themselves? How can I help boost in them all the great and wonderful things that <i>I see </i>in them? </span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">For starters, we gotta be consistent in prayer...trusting God's hand in it and not trying to do it by our own will and strength. The truth is, each individual person is created and identified by God, not me, not anyone else...so why would we or how could we depend on our own selves to define ourselves or anyone else for that matter? Quite frankly, left to our own will we'd continue to change and rework everything on the outside to find a definition of self, for God's word says:</span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">"'For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.'" - 1 Samuel 16:7 (ESV)</span></i></span></span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">This is such a tough verse for me to remember, and not just in how I interact with others, but with how much pressure I place on myself to encourage and edify the men in my life that I love and care so deeply for. So, in the same way I have to look to God's word to identify and describe me, I also have to dig deep into His word to trust in encouraging the men in my life. For when I look at those 5 men (and the 4 little men growing up behind them) what I see is their heart, not what's presented to me on the outside. </span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">Honestly, this is not one of those super deep/rocket science type blogs. It's pretty straight forward and simple. My final say on this particular topic is especially for those women with a significant other (boyfriend, fiance, husband) in which I remind you as the women these men trust with their hearts, we are called to pray and lift them up to the Lord. I truly believe that as we are obedient to that the result is this...</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 16px;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span></span>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="text Prov-31-11" id="en-ESV-17296" style="position: relative;">"The heart of her husband trusts in her, </span><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-31-11" style="position: relative;">and he will have no lack of gain. </span></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">She does him good, and not harm,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="text Prov-31-12" id="en-ESV-17297" style="position: relative;"><sup class="versenum" style="display: block; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; left: -4.8em; line-height: normal; position: absolute; vertical-align: top;"> </sup></span><span class="indent-1"><span class="indent-1-breaks" style="font-size: 0.42em; line-height: 0;"> </span><span class="text Prov-31-12" style="position: relative;">all the days of her life." - Proverbs 31:11-12 (ESV)</span></span></span></span></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-31-12" style="position: relative;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></i>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="indent-1"><span class="text Prov-31-12" style="position: relative;">*<a href="http://Mark Schultz - Father's Eyes">Mark Schultz - Father's Eyes</a></span></span></span></span></i>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-73033221330952033282013-11-29T09:42:00.005-08:002013-11-30T08:46:21.520-08:00Reinventing Eve<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">"Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.'" - Genesis 2:18 (NLT)</span></b></i><br />
<br />
It is in that verse that we come to find out the reasoning for Eve, for God did not believe it best for Adam to be alone. Although there were animals in which Adam was given the responsibility for naming, God still did not find the "right" helper for him... and thus we received Eve, Adam's helpmate. Even the unchurched and unbelievers know what happens next as Adam and Eve were given a lush place to live, as well as enjoying a perfect relationship with God and with one another. Adam and Eve sinned, and thus began the world we live in now. Being a woman created in the image of God I obviously most related to Eve and find it difficult to see things from Adam's perspective. Both Adam and Eve had responsibilities to own up to in the Garden, but my focus in writing is from a female perspective, after all...I am a female.<br />
<br />
After reading through the first few chapters of Genesis and digging deep into the creation of the world and the fall of man, I find how God is showing me the process of reinventing Eve in modern times so that women today (and men as well) do not continue to live a life of sin. My study bible in which I seek God's word is The Life Recovery Bible. I utilize this Bible as I continue to work through my own recovery, a process that I believe will be lifelong. Not because I don't believe God won't heal me, but because I trust Him more than myself to guide me through this life. All that to say, by studying the creation of man and the fall of man I learned that God painted a picture for us of true love and commitment, as well as the first illustration of His grace. After reading through the mistakes and weaknesses of Eve, I realize that I too fit those listed. <br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>Disobedient to God's plan revealed to her... check</li>
<li>Not taking responsibility for her own sin... check</li>
<li>Made excuses, rather than admitting the truth... check</li>
<li>Her actions brought sin into the world... my actions may cause others to sin :(</li>
</ul>
<div>
So how in this world is God reinventing Eve? I cannot speak for other women, but for me it looks like committing myself to a community of other single women, those that I can and agree to be transparent, vulnerable, and honest with regarding ALL areas of my life. It also looks like me being honest with myself and another group of women I've committed to through a 12-step recovery program known as ReGeneration. ReGeneration is "recovery in Christ when life is broken"... and boy how life is broken this side of Heaven. Sunday afternoons are reserved for time with my Community Group, time spent with 5 other remarkable, God-fearing women who walk out their lives humbly, honestly, and selflessly. Every Sunday from 2:30-4:30, the 6 of us meet as we learn how to reinvent Eve, to reinvent our lives through God's guidance, love, and grace. We meet together because we know where any one of us stands alone it is that much more difficult to walk out what God is calling us to, what God asks of us. On Monday evenings from 6:30-8:30 I confess to 10 other women my sin struggles and reveal what God is showing me through my own recovery process. I learn from them truth, grace, love, and understanding of how to truly walk in recovery and humility.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Lessons learned from reading and studying God's word in the first few chapters of Genesis include, realizing a good marriage requires love and commitment, even in the midst of tough times. When relationships accept God's grace and forgiveness, then they will persevere through life's difficulties. The more complacent we become we breed ground for temptation and become less aware of Satan's schemes against us. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I am weak, I am a sinner, I am prideful and selfish. I struggle with admitting that I struggle with self-righteousness and believing that by following rules of this world or of my own decision then I am better than those who do not. I see what Satan wants me to see daily, the ugliness of my sin. However, I strive to see more than that and trust in the beauty that God created me with and intends for my life to exude. My hope in reinventing Eve is that God will use what He is teaching me about myself to minister and to love others. Not that I would be prideful or self-righteous in my own recovery, but that I would readily admit I am not perfect and it is only by God's grace that I may learn from my own mistakes and sin and turn away from them. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I humbly pray to see a world where women come together to reinvent Eve the way God fully intended her to be, not the way the world portrays her to be or to have become. I hope and I pray that Godly men would come forward and selflessly reinvent Adam. The fall of man is how we got where we are today, but that doesn't mean we have to stay there. God can and will equip each of us to humbly walk in the way He designs us to, if we would only trust His plan and His grace for our lives.</div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;">"Then God said, 'Let us make human beings in our image, to be like ourselves. They will reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, the livestock, all the wild animals on the earth, and the small animals that scurry along the ground.' So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them." - Genesis 1:26-27 (NLT)</span></b></i></div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-86087678186101970602013-10-31T21:54:00.001-07:002013-10-31T21:54:08.504-07:00Dear God...Is there Kindergarten in Heaven?The world was still for a while, I had a moment of peace and quiet and my eyes were fixated on a picture of you. You were only 3 weeks old when the picture was taken, and being unsure of how it might turn out or how you might react to the camera, your momma took a chance anyway. Thank God she did, because out of that we got this...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mZp5N77S_w0/UnMxKcYZldI/AAAAAAAAArM/-jBVM_sPS1k/s1600/img003.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mZp5N77S_w0/UnMxKcYZldI/AAAAAAAAArM/-jBVM_sPS1k/s1600/img003.jpg" height="225" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
My sweet little nephew...it's hard to believe it's been 6 years since you came into this world. This year would have been another milestone for you, starting school. I sometimes wonder what you'd be like had we gotten the chance to have you here with us on earth. I know God had another plan, a bigger plan, one beyond more than I could ever possibly try to imagine...but it still hurts sometimes. So I gotta ask, is there kindergarten in Heaven? How do you learn your letters and numbers? Again, I'm sure God's got it all covered ;-)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I'm beyond blessed to be called your aunt and while I wish things would've turned out differently, while I wish we had more time with you here on earth, I have to believe that God has an amazing plan. He always does and I've already seen it unfold a bit. I see the life and love in your big sister and little brothers that we were privileged enough to see in you, even if only for 5 months. I see the grace and mercy that abounds through your Mama and Daddy as they are given opportunities to minister and support other families that have lost a child to the very thing we lost you to. God's ways are much higher than ours, so who am I to argue with the one who created all things and knows all things. </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
As another birthday passes all I can simply do is remember you, the baby boy I had the honor and privilege of holding, loving on, and praying for. Your life plays a significant part in my life and my story. Praise God that He used such a sweet and small little boy to teach a silly, sometimes OCD, and busy bodied young woman like me. I'm forever grateful for that!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I love you William Thomas Jr., you are my sweet little prince laughing and running and enjoying the eternal life that God has designed for you.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<i>"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever." ~ Revelation 21:4 (NLT)</i></div>
<br />Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-19113122495778222042013-09-02T07:26:00.000-07:002013-09-02T07:26:51.979-07:00We keep singing, "Hallelujah"<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="color: blue;">"Whatever's in front of me help me to sing hallelujah"</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
- Bethany Dillon, Hallelujah</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As we come to the end of another summer I'm realizing that the theme for this year, 2013 is to sing "Hallelujah" no matter what comes. That in all things to truly give thanks for it is in <i>everything</i> that God is working and His hand never lets go of us. With the tremendous blessings that have come over the summer months, just as many (if not more) obstacles have come as well. And with those obstacles have come the opportunity for me to throw up my hands, to say "forget it, I'm done," and walk away from all that I truly believe in. But then again, don't we always have that "out?" Praise God for that still small voice that lead me to open my Bible and guided my heart into the story of Job. A man who lost everything and by everything I mean <b><i>EVERYTHING</i></b>. But yet in the midst of all the loss this is what the man who loved the Lord and believed there was good in it said,</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="color: blue;">"</span><i style="color: blue;">But as for me, I know that my Redeemer lives, and he will stand upon the earth at last. And after my body has decayed, yet in my body I will see God! I will see him for myself. Yes, I will see him with my own eyes. I am overwhelmed at the thought!" </i>~ Job 19:25-27</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So, if Job can handle losing everything and still give praise to God, can't I continue to sing "hallelujah" in the midst of the transitions and challenges of this summer. I haven't lost anything, in fact I've gained much. In the stillness of this world, when I force myself to stop and rest is when I see that God simply loves me. He is jealous for me, for all of His children, and I truly believe that even at the slightest hint of taking our eyes off of Him and placing it onto the things of this world is when challenges come. So often we are quick to become angry with God and filled with questions of "why me?" or "why now? what did I do wrong?" when in actuality the purpose behind it all is to trust more deeply in the one who loves us more than we could ever comprehend. When life stops making sense to us isn't that when we should trust more so in the one who has it all under control? Why does it seem that we believe we can control any and every situation when it doesn't make sense? After all it is God and God alone who is sufficient enough with the ambiguities of life and <b><i>we can</i></b> trust in Him.</div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-86403697114762439832013-07-30T19:50:00.003-07:002013-07-31T04:16:17.470-07:00Love Walked In<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="text John-1-1">"In the beginning was the Word,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26046A" title="See cross-reference A">A</a>)"></sup></span> and the Word was with God,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26046B" title="See cross-reference B">B</a>)"></sup></span> and the Word was God.<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26046C" title="See cross-reference C">C</a>)"></sup></span></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="text John-1-2" id="en-NIV-26047">He was with God in the beginning.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26047D" title="See cross-reference D">D</a>)"></sup></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="text John-1-3" id="en-NIV-26048">Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26048E" title="See cross-reference E">E</a>)"></sup></span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 12px;"><b> </b></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><span class="text John-1-4" id="en-NIV-26049">In him was life,<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26049F" title="See cross-reference F">F</a>)"></sup> and that life was the light<sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26049G" title="See cross-reference G">G</a>)"></sup> of all mankind.</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"> </span><span class="text John-1-5" id="en-NIV-26050"><sup class="versenum" style="font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;"> </sup>The light shines in the darkness,<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 0.65em;"><sup class="crossreference" style="font-size: 0.65em; font-weight: bold; line-height: normal; vertical-align: top;" value="(<a href="#cen-NIV-26050H" title="See cross-reference H">H</a>)"></sup></span> and the darkness has not overcome<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: xx-small;"><b> </b></span>it."</span></i></span><br>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>~ John 1:1-5</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>"And it's the greatest story ever told, that when it looked like there was no</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>more hope. Love walked in through the door, face to face</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>with brokenness said, 'it's still worth dying for.'</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>Met the world with a kiss, walls fell down, When love walked in."</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #674ea7; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>~ Love Walked In, Mark Schultz, 2012</i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #274e13; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">So many stories I hear each day as a therapist. Stories of brokenness and hopelessness. One of these days, the dream I had long before I realized God was directing my steps towards becoming a counselor, will become a reality. Until then I think of the all the little things that occur each day where I can see that "love walked in." The times throughout my day or the day of a client where I can truly see God's hand. While I know He is always with us and His hand is upon us, it's in those moments when I reflect back on my day or week and realize God had me the whole time...I can see it now.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">One of the biggest struggles I'm seeing with my clients right now is such tall walls and an inability to trust others. It breaks my heart because I see so much of my past reflecting back at me through their struggles. I want to scream and shout that it gets better, that when all is said and done the one person most affected by the walls and inability to trust is the person putting the wall up and choosing not to trust. I cannot explain in enough words that people who break trust have struggles all their own and their choices have nothing to do with the person they betrayed. While I am fully aware that does not make trusting others easy and an automatic, "okay, what the heck, let's jump right on in to the deep end without knowing how to swim" kind of a response, I also know life is about taking risks and learning lessons. There is no owners manual to the game of life (unless of course you are indeed playing the board game, "Life"). The best I can do as a counselor is trust that somewhere along the way what I share, how I push my clients to think beyond their circumstances, it will all sink in. Or maybe I'm not the wisest person they ever talk to in their life and someone else is the one that pushes them to that "Ah Ha" moment. I love what my co-worker reminds me almost daily..."we're planting seeds." It's a good way to look at it and takes a tremendous amount of pressure off, sometimes.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The reason I really sat down to write tonight was that I felt disconnected from the very thing I love to do...talk to others. I came home so incredibly sick today from a migraine and while I was forced to rest, because I could barely move to do anything else, I started thinking about my "love walked in" moments (as I like to call them). You see there are a number of "moments" where I have no doubt that God walked in, He truly pulled me out of darkness and saved me. One thing that I'm incredibly vocal about and blessed to be saved from is Anorexia Nervosa. I see so much shame, guilt, and imprisonment amongst women who suffer from this disorder. I see so much ignorance and insensitivity from those who struggle to educate themselves about it. Don't get me wrong, there are a number of things I have failed to educate myself on so I can clearly identify my own sensitivity to people not understanding the disease of Anorexia, or any other eating disorder for that matter. I know that I'm too close to it to allow myself to become too heated about it. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">My other significant "love walked in" moment is that of losing my nephew, Billy Jr., to SIDS at 5 months old. While God has done a tremendous healing in my heart, I cannot help but look back on that season of life with such gratitude that despite my anger, God never let go of my heart. In fact, He loved me so much that as I allowed Him to heal my heart what I got was one that beats stronger and has learned to love that much more greatly. With my "love walked in" moments I have room to love deeply those who suffer from a disease that comes with such shame and guilt, as well as those who have faced the unexplainable loss of a child. I'm no expert, but as I continue to trust God and His love for me, I hope and pray that love is reflected off me and onto others.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"We love because he first loved us."</span></i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 16px;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~ 1 John 4:19</span></i></b></span></div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-17882361782892695472013-07-09T05:29:00.000-07:002013-07-09T05:29:44.217-07:00Dreaming With An Open Heart, An Open Hand<div style="text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="color: blue; font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."</i></span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>~ Ephesians 3:20-21</i></span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div style="font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br /></i></span></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Have I told you that I'm a big dreamer? I feel that it's a consistent theme throughout my postings, but if you're new to reading my blog, then you wouldn't necessarily know that yet. I am, I love to dream. I dream of my future, I dream of what my career will turn into over time, I dream of being a wife and a mom. I wonder sometimes what it'll be like when I meet Jesus, what he'll say, what he'll look like. Unfortunately my dreams lately have been a bit road blocked. I've allowed myself to get caught up in the busyness of life and I fail to slow down long enough to do that in which I love...dream. For some this may seem like a waste of time, building up something in one's mind that may not necessarily come true. But you see, I have a big God... I mean A BIG GOD! And He longs to see the deepest desires of my heart fulfilled. Does it all match with His will for my life? Not always, but I've seen over time that when it doesn't there is so much relief in knowing that His ways are higher, His plan is better than any I could ever create in my wildest dreams. God has blessed my dreaming heart more than I ever thought was possible.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The thing with dreaming though, is remembering to keep an open heart and an open hand. That not every dream I dream will come to pass, and some will not come in the way that I thought or imagined. Back in January of this year I had become discouraged and thought that I could control things and make things happen my own way, but what I found was a very broken heart and the realization that I was not trusting God with the deepest dream I think I've ever had. So in early February I humbled myself, I went before God and friends closest to me. I went before them broken and beautiful, revealing a long kept secret sin and as a result, God has revealed more truth and love than I could ever imagine possible. It was in those early days of February that I truly laid down my deepest desire and dreams. I chose to fully trust Him with a place in my heart that I for so long refused God to have control of. Then early May came, my heart was healing, trusting and ready to take a leap of faith. I knew that as I took this leap of faith I couldn't do it by my own will/power, but rather it had to be different. If I am going to continue to dream, I'm going to continue to do so with the blessing of the Lord. I am going to do so with an open heart and an open hand that He may change my dreams, or bring them to life more vividly than I could ever hope or imagine. What I've seen is words come to life that only God has heard me cry out. The longings of my heart so deep down that I kept it only between me and God is slowly coming to life. Do I still get scared sometimes that the enemy is trying to trick me? Yes, I do, but in those moments I remember to take it to the Lord daily. To trust what He says is true and I'm gently reminded that fear is not from Him. I chose to believe what I hoped for at the end of 2012. I believe that 2013 is a year that will sweep me off my feet and take me by complete surprise. Nearly 6 1/2 months in I'd be lying if I said it hasn't.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">God is good, so much better than I think I've ever realized years prior to this year. I don't know what God is up to, I don't know why so many times I believe that my way is better than His. For it is when I fully trust Him and follow Him that I realize how powerful His love is for me. Thank God for a dreaming heart! Thank God that He does not allow me to fall into the cynicism of this world, that He's taken a broken/cold heart like mine and turned it into something loving, encouraged, and hopeful.</span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>"For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)</i></span></div>
<div style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-81509425406695973082013-03-29T03:55:00.001-07:002013-03-29T03:55:06.692-07:00It's Been 5 Years...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DmhBiiQIhR4/UVVuLl2hx9I/AAAAAAAAAno/PPNj0XFfZi0/s1600/Billy5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DmhBiiQIhR4/UVVuLl2hx9I/AAAAAAAAAno/PPNj0XFfZi0/s1600/Billy5.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens." </i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>~ Ecclesiastes 3:1</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It's hard to believe that it has been 5 years since my nephew, Billy went home to Heaven. It was so unexpected, and as an aunt living in another state at the time, there weren't enough hugs or chances to rock my sweet boy to sleep. Sometimes when I miss him the most I watch the videos my sister and brother-in-law created of him and sent to me prior to his death and even the ones sent after. He was and will always be a precious gift unto my family and I thank God for the healing that has come into my heart over the years since. I thank the Lord for the gift and blessing that my sister was able to have two more babies and how much of their older brother shines through them. Being an aunt is not something I take lightly or just the title of another family member. I adore my nieces and nephews and I praise God that there is no greater gift that I've experienced yet in this life.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Today I remember a sweet baby boy with ridiculously cute and chubby cheeks, and an infectious laugh who will always have a piece of my heart.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5vaVnS5wPKs/UVVyQw2HmwI/AAAAAAAAAn4/IuwgACB9jKU/s1600/sisterlylove.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5vaVnS5wPKs/UVVyQw2HmwI/AAAAAAAAAn4/IuwgACB9jKU/s1600/sisterlylove.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
William Thomas Darnell, Jr. 11/01/07 - 03/29/08</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><i>"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."</i></b></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><i>~ James 1:17</i></b></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-45622885690228088352013-03-22T04:53:00.000-07:002013-03-22T04:53:32.139-07:00Counseling vs. Cristyn: An Identity Crisis"<i>The identity</i> of a person is based on the distinguishing characteristics of that person."*<br />
<br />
"<i>Your identity</i> involves both inner character and outer conduct, which distinguish you from everyone else. Your visible conduct should consistently reflect your inner character. This forms your identity."*<br />
<br />
<b>The Visible Me: </b>Reflected by how I'm known by others. Based upon my personality, actions, masks, pretenses, outer appearance<br />
<br />
<b>The Real Me: </b>How the Lord knows me. Based upon my nature, character, and value system<br />
<br />
<u> </u><br />
<u><br /></u>
Can you see where I'm headed with this post? It has been a while since I've blogged and the theme that keeps popping up, the one that is the subject of many conversations with those in my life who mentor me has been "how do I define myself?" I've realized over the last year and a half that I've slowly shifted from truly knowing who I am, knowing the visible and real me to labeling myself as "Counselor Cristyn." And initially it was cute and funny, but over the last few months I've realized it has become more of a mask, a way to hide my true self and convince others that I'm strong and wise. Not to say there isn't any strength and wisdom in my true identity, but realizing it shouldn't be defined by what I do.<br />
<br />
The truth that I'm realizing is that it became easy for me to throw myself into my career, to throw myself into counseling when other things in my life seemed to be falling apart. Instead of facing the disappointment head on and working through the frustrations I opted to strengthen my ability to help others with their disappointments and frustrations. In fact it wasn't too long ago that I told a friend of mine, "I believe I'm better at being a counselor than at being Cristyn." Talk about a heavy statement! I don't think I realized the truth of it all until I threw that statement out there. I also think I've relished in the praise of others regarding what I do and the statements of "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't do it." I shifted my identity into what I do rather than who I truly am based on accolades and the attention I received from others. I <i style="font-weight: bold;">LOVE</i> what I do, don't get me wrong.... but it cannot be who I am. <br />
<br />
I've sat in this for a while now and separated myself from my career when I get home at night to begin to define who I <i>truly </i>am. I find rest in this:<br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><b>"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."</b> </i><i>~ 2 Corinthians 12:9</i><br />
<br />
I also am finding a new peace in what I like to do and the uniqueness of my personality. I'm finding comfort in my randomness, my madd dance skillz :) and the reality that <b style="font-style: italic;">counseling is what I do, and Cristyn is who I am</b>. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AmDkxDxPG54/UUxFQ0w10rI/AAAAAAAAAnY/eNvVe6ksbGc/s1600/funtimes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-AmDkxDxPG54/UUxFQ0w10rI/AAAAAAAAAnY/eNvVe6ksbGc/s1600/funtimes.JPG" height="320" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
My face before dishing out unicorns and rainbows</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
across the city of Irving</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
*Resource: "Counseling Through Your Bible Handbook" by June Hunt (2008)</div>
<br />Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-47671198775071994772013-01-10T04:46:00.001-08:002013-01-10T04:46:17.200-08:00Hi, My Name is Cristyn...<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"'For I know the plans I have for <b>you</b>," declares the Lord, 'plans to <b>prosper you</b> and not to harm <b>you</b>, plans to give <b>you</b> a hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:11</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I reflect on this day quite a bit, it is one of those infamous days in my life that I will never forget... or at least this day 12 years ago. January 10, 2001 was the day I finally gave up my fight. And let me just say my closest and dearest friend at the time, Anorexia, was none to happy about it. I was tired and sick of fighting to look like something or someone I was not supposed to be. A million different things run through my head on this day as it rolls around each year, mostly I'm just in awe of how far I've come and where God has brought me. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I don't expect that many people will get why I recognize this day or why I even remember it, but for me it's a day of celebration. I chose to finally let go of that which had so easily entangled me for so long. I had chosen to follow God in <i>ALL</i> He has for me instead of just a little. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I was 19 years old, scared out of my mind, but trusting that I needed help. After much discussion with my therapist, psychiatrist, and parents I opted to admit myself to an inpatient program for eating disorders without question. My parents got word that there was an opening in a program in the DFW area, and soon thereafter we were off to the hospital. I was now an adult so I'd be admitting myself, but my parents could stay with me up until I entered the psych unit. I cannot remember the last time I cried that much. I also cannot remember being so aware of my hunger. Later that evening I found out my sister came up to the hospital in hopes of seeing me before I entered the program, but it was too late, she'd have to wait 72 hours to see me. I remember thinking in that moment how blessed I was to have my sister. I'd spent so much time hating her... PRAISE God there was no long lasting damage due to the poor choices I made and the hatred I had shown my precious sister. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
My first night at the hospital was terrifying and a bit like an out of body experience. I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a headache and after getting Tylenol from the nurses, I soon found myself getting sick. Looking back it was probably due to the anxiety and amount of tears I cried. But the fact that it even happened scared me even more and I realized in that moment that it was now or never. I was either going to kick this now or I'd find myself battling it in the midst of pursuing a romantic relationship and/or after I became a mom someday. I watched how painful this disease was not just to myself, but to my family and friends at the time as they struggled to understand why I suffered so much. Under no circumstances would I be able to carry on these bad habits, plus be a wife and mother. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
After 5 1/2 weeks of treatment, the fear of a potentially deadly heart condition, and the love and support of family I walked out of the program determined that I would never go down that path again. And I haven't, but I'd be lying if I said there are not moments or days where it can be a battle. I know my weaknesses and I know when I have to fight to overcome them sometimes. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
These days you'll find me working, or as I like to refer to it as "serving," as a counselor (LPC-Intern to be exact) and I love it! I can look back on that day 12 years ago and see that God was using it to prepare me for such a task, a duty, as this. Sometimes people comment on how hard my job must be and how draining it must be to listen to others and their problems, and it can be hard... if I let it. But more than that, I would define it as rewarding. God prepared me for a job such as this and I shall serve Him with all I have. If at any point in time He tells me that I'm done, I've fulfilled that which He has asked of me, then I will faithfully and humbly walk away. But as long as people trust me and are willing to open up their lives to me, then I'll be here.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"We live by <b>faith</b>, not by <b>sight</b>." ~ 2 Corinthians 5:7</i></div>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-60955151450849419992013-01-01T20:04:00.001-08:002013-01-01T20:04:27.442-08:002012: A Year of Rebuilding<b><i>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5,6 (NIV)</i></b><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
<i><b>"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." ~ Joshua 1:9 (NIV)</b></i><br />
<br />
2012 felt very much like a rebuilding year. Having just barely entered my 30s at the end of 2011, this year found me rediscovering so many things about my hopes, my dreams, myself, and most importantly... my God. By the end of it all, I was laughing as I found myself begging God for things <i>not</i><b> </b>to change. Sometimes I wonder if God even knows what to do with me... one moment I ask for one thing and the next when that thing comes to pass, I find myself at His feet begging for things to go back the way they were. I'm so grateful His love never changes, that <i>His </i>love <i>never </i>fails. <i><b> </b></i><br />
<i><b><br /></b></i>
Believe it or not, the beginning of 2012 found me extremely discouraged by the career path I had chosen, wondering what in the world I was even thinking in the first place. A few months into 2012 I began the process of looking for a job out of state, wanting so much to escape what I thought I couldn't in Dallas unless I left. Low and behold, God had a different plan. Six months into 2012 and I had given up hope in regards to trying to get out of Dallas. I threw up my hands and told God, "whatever." Meaning, whatever you want to do, doesn't matter to me because clearly my opinion does not matter... what-freakin'-ever! Oh I was beyond mad, but I was done trying so hard. I had decided that I was destined to remain in a support role (career wise) and continue to do counseling work on the side until March 2016 (when my intern license is set to expire). If I did not obtain my hours by that date in March 2016, then I was done. I had decided that it wasn't worth the headache, heartache, and frustration to start over. Probably the best decision I have ever made... to give up (so to speak). Little did I know (as always) that God was up to something pretty amazing. <br />
<br />
I remember having conversations with my counseling supervisor over the job search and how things were going. I had told her that I had essentially stopped. I felt like so much focus was going into trying to find a full-time counseling job that it was ultimately distracting me from focusing on the work I needed to be doing with my clients in private practice. I also told her that part of me felt like if I just give up and stop worrying about it so much that maybe, just maybe something would fall into my lap. I look back on that conversation now and I envision God looking at me, shaking His head and saying, "If only she would just trust me, trust my plan. I got this under control, I don't need her help." Although I envision that he probably does that quite a bit with me.<br />
<br />
As I pursued other endeavors, and continued to over commit myself (something I'm a pro at) I stumbled into an "Ah ha" moment. I had begun the process of pursuing a volunteer commitment with my best friend and in the midst of it I realized I was absolutely crazy... or would be if I pursued it. After much prayer and wise counsel, I decided to step down and not continue to pursue the venture with her. Fearful that I would let her down, I explained that it would not be wise for me to take on such a big commitment and potentially wear myself out to the point that I couldn't serve to the best of my ability. I've been extremely blessed to have a best friend who is incredibly gracious, understanding, and loving... I'm not sure what life would be like without her. All that to say, within 24 hours of me stepping down from that potential commitment, a door was opened and I was offered a full-time counseling job. Not just any position, but a position in a hospital that I was quite familiar with. The same place that I completed my student internship at 2 years ago and have been doing PRN work for the last year and a half. If only someone else could have been there when I received that job offer, I was taken off guard and excited to the point of tears. I love those God moments that are so special they often times only make sense to you (and God of course). <br />
<br />
So here I am, one full day under my belt of leading the Intermediate group at Sundance Behavioral Health Center in Ft. Worth, and living in a new place that's all my own once again. As I look back on this past year I see that God knew I longed for new beginnings, for change that didn't include memories of my past... something that was all mine. I look back and realize that 12 months ago, I wasn't ready, my heart wasn't ready. It took another wrestling match with God, time for me to be my stubborn self before I realized that God is God and I am not. He's got this life of mine under control, all I have to do is sit back and breathe. I don't expect that I've fully grasped this yet, but I hope beyond all hope that as I continue to wait for other dreams to come to pass I will not be as stubborn as I have been with this most recent one. I also don't expect that this is the end of this dream, but merely the beginning. I look forward to see what God is going to do with me. <br />
<br />
Lately I've realized there is an inordinate amount of compliments/observations regarding my smile. I've realized that is often times the first thing that people notice about me, and I've wondered why that is. But then I realize it is the Lord that gives me reason to smile. For the work He has done and continues to do in my life... why wouldn't I smile and why wouldn't it be beautiful? After all, it is <i><b>all </b></i>for the glory of my King!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KYSSrxBrc3M/UOOwXI4UezI/AAAAAAAAAms/FYaXmJGVgns/s1600/funtimes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KYSSrxBrc3M/UOOwXI4UezI/AAAAAAAAAms/FYaXmJGVgns/s320/funtimes.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-33117014798172511702012-12-16T18:51:00.000-08:002012-12-16T18:51:43.012-08:00Because He Loves Me<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>"He is jealous for me, </i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,</i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.</i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>When all of a sudden</i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, </i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>And I realize just how beautiful You are,</i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>And how great Your affections are for me."</i></div>
<div style="color: blue; text-align: center;">
<i>~ How He Loves Us</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
It is always so amazing to me how God knows what we need, exactly when we need it. This weekend, last night especially, I just needed to feel loved. I am quick to get upset at times that I don't have the earthly love of a husband, and I soon forget that I am loved the way I desire to be... by the Father. As I cried myself to sleep last night out of sheer frustration about a particular area of my life, I woke up having forgotten how upset I was, and the things I yelled at God. Then all of a sudden in the midst of worship in church service this morning I heard the line, the bar of music that opens the flood gates every time. "How He Loves Us" has been my mantra for the last 16 months. In the midst of the unknown and out of frustration, God always seems to bring that song to mind or I hear it during worship at church. Many would say it's a coincidence, but for me, for my heart, I know that it's God singing over me. It is His way of reminding me that in the midst of feeling lonely here on earth, I am not alone. And He <i>is</i> jealous for me, for my heart, so why would I settle for mediocrity when He desires so much more for my heart, for my life? </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As I edge closer to a BIG transition in my life, I remember how scary other transitions have been in the beginning and how I have plowed through and found myself on the other side. I have spent nearly the last 2 years wrestling with God over my dream, or at least one of them. I got to the point earlier this year where I was fed up and ready to quit, I didn't see the point. But then I remembered that my heart didn't yearn for this dream because it's easy, it's because God only calls a few of us to do it. Am I the best at it? No, not yet anyway, and besides what's that measurement look like? So I sorta, kinda shelved it. I continued to do what I was called to do where I was, and to do it well. I didn't always have a happy heart, but over time, when I wasn't expecting it, God made a way. Do I have dreams beyond this one, absolutely. But I think I've learned to let them go and trust that in His timing all will be revealed. There is just one dream that absolutely tears my heart to pieces to let go of, but I cannot help but wonder if I let it go, if then and only then would it come to pass. </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
God's plans are tremendously larger than anything I could ever hope or imagine. So as I gear up to enter a large transition, my hope is that I learn to lay down this fragile dream of mine. Trusting the one who made me, the one who stirred this desire within my heart will know the perfect time in which it shall come to pass.</div>
<br />
<div style="color: red;">
<i>"She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you're at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will..." ~ Hope Floats (1998)</i></div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-6350030473401617452012-12-12T04:56:00.000-08:002012-12-12T04:56:11.351-08:00It's a Journey... Not a Destination<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Eventually, you will learn to relax and enjoy the adventure of our journey together." ~ Jesus Calling</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><br />
</i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I wonder sometimes how many times things will change or how many times someone has to remind me that life is a journey, not a destination before I finally get it. The last couple of months have brought good news of big changes in my life, but for whatever reason, I'm gracefully terrified. I say "gracefully" because I seem to keep it closed in, rather than running around like a banchee. But if you ask me how I'm doing, I probably wouldn't be able to lie very well. Truth be told, I'm excited, but fearful at the same time. I'm not quite sure what the fear is about other than at the young age of 31 I'm finally stepping into a job where my skills and talents will be used at a full-time capacity. I'm getting ready to be the lead therapist for a group of teenagers at a mental health hospital. It's odd to some folks as I LOVE this age group, such impressionable minds and a wonderful opportunity to be a significant role model in their lives and encourage them.<br />
But often times I wonder why in the world they would ever listen to me. Now maybe I'm being presumptuous to think they do indeed listen to me, but I'd like to think so. Then there are so many times I go back to the years I wrestled with God over this journey and I remember so clearly deciding to take a leap of faith, trust Him, and see where it is I end up. For now, here I am. I'm about to embark on a career path that I couldn't be more excited or passionate about. I'm still fearful, but I believe that comes from knowing something BIG is going to happen with this leap. <br />
I guess only time will tell...</div>
Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-27728537822254580852012-10-31T19:23:00.000-07:002012-10-31T19:23:15.299-07:00Celebrating Billy... Celebrating Five Years Old!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lz_wMdqYASI/UJGhRDeO36I/AAAAAAAAAlw/lZBkAofHrlY/s1600/IMG_5387_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lz_wMdqYASI/UJGhRDeO36I/AAAAAAAAAlw/lZBkAofHrlY/s1600/IMG_5387_2.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Dear Billy,<br />
<br />
The picture above is one of my favorites of you and your big sister. Man I miss those chubby little cheeks. It's hard to believe that this year marks 5 years since your birth here on earth. I still wonder what you would look like right now. Would you be as tall as your sister? Or at least close to her in height? Would your home be 10 times louder with 3 boys running around versus only 2? Whatever the decibel difference, I'm sure it would be greatly welcomed if it meant you were here with us.<br />
<br />
When the weeks and days get closer to your birthday or the date of your birth up to Heaven I tend to get a little anxious, wondering how I'll respond to those days. But then I remember there is nothing I can do to change what happened, I can however thank the Lord for His grace, His patience, and His healing hand. At the deepest part of my heart, from the pit of my soul I cry out "Blessed Be Your Name." God's Word says in <i style="color: blue;">Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." </i>I believe that God grieved as we grieved over losing you, and with each birthday that passes the grief that comes, mixed with the relief that you are safe in the arms of Jesus, He is there every step of the way.<br />
<br />
As we celebrate yet another birthday without you Billy Bug, we find peace and hope in the fact that it means we are one day closer to seeing you once again in Heaven. One of the greatest gifts I've ever received was becoming your aunt on November 1, 2007... I will never forget spending a whole week with you shortly after you were born, just watching you sleep and holding you close to my heart. Had I known I'd only have you to hold for 5 months, I might have held onto you longer during that week. But for now, I find rest in knowing you are safe in our Savior's arms.<br />
<br />
All My Love, Forever & Always,<br />
Aunt Cristyn<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dYf71iq6-C4/UJHcYX9fVOI/AAAAAAAAAmA/49OxXnIPGn4/s1600/Lullaby+Land.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dYf71iq6-C4/UJHcYX9fVOI/AAAAAAAAAmA/49OxXnIPGn4/s320/Lullaby+Land.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MW0nU35SdRU/UJHcbnJZASI/AAAAAAAAAmI/r2n1p_jVrPg/s1600/Darnell+Kids_LL.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MW0nU35SdRU/UJHcbnJZASI/AAAAAAAAAmI/r2n1p_jVrPg/s320/Darnell+Kids_LL.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
<br />Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-43311315645632582392012-08-04T15:45:00.002-07:002012-08-04T15:45:41.096-07:00Dark Side: Can You Love Me? Can You Love Mine?<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XkXaaVy8pE8/UBtOAkKRNtI/AAAAAAAAAlI/4D_XNKGo2u8/s1600/BatGirl2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="132" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XkXaaVy8pE8/UBtOAkKRNtI/AAAAAAAAAlI/4D_XNKGo2u8/s200/BatGirl2.jpg" width="200" /></a>Ahh... the eternal question that every girl/woman asks others... Can you love me? Can you accept me for me, every part of me, every area of my life? I would be lying if I said I haven't been asking myself this question for years and more often in the last year. I think that as we become adults the realization of people coming and going into our lives becomes clear. There is a season for everything and everyone... right?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
I have the privilege of working with a young woman right now who reminds me so much of myself 14 years ago. It's crazy to think that I'm not too far removed from the shoes that she now stands in. She's asking herself if she can be loved, accepted by others. If what she's doing is "good enough." And to her I say, "yes." Because I realize now 14 years later that "good enough" is a relative term. We each have a different standard, a different definition for "good enough." Now, is there a standard in which you can compare yourself to the standards of society or the world? Yes, I do believe so. But at the end of the day, I think you really have to ask yourself if you're doing good enough for you. What does that look like? And at the end of the day do you know that no matter what... God loves you right where you're at?</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CW__Z5SGqZM/UB2lHHNyctI/AAAAAAAAAlY/F9rEndPCV8o/s1600/flowereye.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CW__Z5SGqZM/UB2lHHNyctI/AAAAAAAAAlY/F9rEndPCV8o/s200/flowereye.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don't let go." ~ John 6:37 (MSG)</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br />
</i></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;">
So many times we seek to control areas of our lives that we lose touch with what is real, what is true. The fact is, we are human in a fallen world, whether we want to recognize it or not we have a dark side. That doesn't mean we have to live in it, sit in it, and ignore the goodness, the light that God is calling us into. I'm willing to bet that on a daily basis we each find ourselves in a tempting situation or sin struggle, one that we have kicked and screamed and struggled to fight to overcome... by our own strength. But it's when we give up that fight, when we allow God to come in and give us that strength that we find peace, healing, redemption. So in God's eyes, you are good enough, and He loves every part of you... even your dark side (aka your struggles). Would He like to see you walking in absolute freedom, yes of course, but He also knows it's a process. Be patient with yourself, and remember that as you seek to be loved and accepted for who you are, so do others. </div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/H5ArpRWcGe0?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-87848654283150398062012-07-29T16:51:00.001-07:002012-07-29T16:51:39.853-07:00Gobblety Goop in the Bloggity BlogIf you've been a reader for long (indulge me here, I like to believe I have regular readers) you'll notice there is generally a tie in from my title throughout whatever I write. At least I'd like to think I have that flow :-) But if you had a glimpse of just a few minutes inside my head today you'd find that what is swarming around and traveling between my head and my heart is not quite fluid at all. I wouldn't generally write if I didn't have a solid point, but for whatever reason today I felt the desire to share the "gobblety goop" inside my head. Count yourselves blessed ;-)<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I start with my walk from the parking garage into service at church this morning. In that 2 minute walk what ran through my head flowed from how my day was mapped out, to needing to still get butter and eggs from the grocery store, to thinking about my sweet 3-year-old nephew, Nathan who has a tendency to passionately express that he hates something (i.e. "I HATE this Mommy, I HATE it's taking too wong to get to Texas"). That's a lot of things in a short 2 minute walk, but that's the truth. My point is this. I found myself stuck on Nathan's passionate expressions of disliking certain things, and realized that in my heart right now I find that I'm expressing the very same thing to God. "Lord, I HATE this season! I HATE that a certain person doesn't know me, I HATE that I allowed them to 'break' me! I HATE that I can't be closer to my sister (geographically speaking) right now! I HATE that someone won't take a chance on me and see that I could be a wonderful asset as a counselor to their organization!" I would go on, but I think it's pretty clear that you can get the point. I thought it was interesting that this should suddenly float to the forefront of my thoughts and heart today. As I sat in service today, God's voice just spilled over me. One of our pastors at Watermark, JP, has been speaking the last 3 weeks on Psalm 23. Today he talked about the last 2 verses and broke it down to this... "those who don't have peace in their lives/hearts are those that are not walking closely with God." OUCH!! I hear ya Lord, I get it. So I sit and write out what God is teaching me in this moment through the gobblety goop in my head and heart. I pray that as I step into a new week my priorities will shift, my heart's desire will bleed for the Lord that I would draw nearer to Him and forget everything else. Trusting that in His time it will all make sense. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Well there ya go... I guess I did end up flowing and having a point :-) I can honestly say that which I just wrote came as a surprise to me. </div>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-76993357815962145172012-07-22T09:27:00.000-07:002012-07-22T09:27:50.430-07:00In the Face of TragedyMy heart has spent this weekend grieving for those affected by the tragedy that struck Aurora, Colorado early Friday morning. I cannot pinpoint why my emotions are all over the map other than to deduce that it may have something to do with my career field. This is the first tragedy that has struck our nation since I've become a counselor in the professional world. And since earning my degree and license I see things differently. I question things differently, and I try my hardest not to allow my anger towards a situation to get the best of me. I am no expert on tragedy, I have no idea why that individual made the choices that he made to harm so many innocent people, but for whatever reason my heart has felt this strong desire to write this weekend pertaining to this particular topic. I put it off, I prayed about it, I questioned what I have to say that would matter to anyone at all. And yet here I am... writing. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
The closest thing I have to relate to this situation is that I too faced unexpected tragedy in my life. And from my experience I can say that tragedy alters one's life. There are two ways it can be altered... two ways you can choose to go. Either you allow it to change you for the better or you allow it to change you for the worse. I would have to say for me tragedy changed me for the better and continues to do just that. I see things differently, and although I relate closely to being sensitive I would say it made me that much more sensitive to tragedy and all those involved. In the case of the theater shooting in Aurora, CO this past weekend I would have to say that my heart grieves for ALL involved, including the man who allegedly caused this tragedy. I'm sure that comment right there is enough for people to comment and question why I would say such a thing, but I say that because clearly there was something so off within this individual, so altered in his brain that he made the choice he made. This is by no means an excuse for what he did, or to take away the unbelievable and incomprehensible pain that the families are feeling over the unexpected loss of their friends and family. I cannot imagine the excitement these individuals felt over the anticipation of being able to see this movie, staying up late to be one of the firsts to view it. I too have been excited about this movie coming out, but I have to say it's really hard to even think about seeing it now in light of what has happened. Not out of fear, but rather out of the fact that I'm not sure I can sit in the theater and watch this movie, knowing that I'll probably be wondering what those individuals in Aurora were feeling and estimating at what point the man who intended to cause so much harm walked in and altered the lives of so many.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
BUT... it was not my intention to write this blog just to share how I felt about it, but rather to maybe, hopefully leave a bit of hope for someone who may have been closely affected by this tragedy. My hope, faith, trust, and love fall in the hands of the one who created this world. The one who created each of us... God. I don't know why such a tragedy would be allowed to happen, in the same way I'm not sure why He allowed tragedy to strike my family over 4 years ago. These are questions I have for that day I meet Him face to face, or at least that's how I feel right now. What I can say to all this is that we are not alone...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In the Bible, Matthew 28:20 Jesus says, <i style="color: red;">"And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." </i>And although we don't always understand why things happen as they do, God's word tells us in Proverbs 3:5-6, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." </i></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
I am keenly aware that all of this may mean nothing right now, when tragedy is still so fresh in the hearts and minds of those closely affected. For me, as strong as I'd say my faith is, as strong as my love and trust is in the Lord I too found myself so angry with Him soon after my nephew died four years ago. I was hurt and felt so alone, that the Lord did not hear my cries and prayers over Billy. But then one day while writing out of my broken heart there was this peace that came over me, one that surpassed <i>any</i> understanding I felt I had over the situation and I chose to walk a different way. I chose to walk in hope, to continue to trust and trust more deeply in the one who loves me more than anyone else in the world. I chose to continue to live the life He has laid out for me, to continue to dream the dreams that have been placed on my heart. And I encourage you, dear readers to do the same. In the midst of this most recent tragedy, the tragedies that may have affected you in the past, or the those that might affect you in the future... <i>always, always</i> chose to walk in the light, in hope, in love for He has amazing plans for you. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~ Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV84)</i></span></div>
<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1GzOUnUN20" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Natalie Grant, Alive, Music Inspired by The Story</span></a></i></div>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-60723271931624493412012-07-15T20:23:00.001-07:002012-07-15T20:23:38.452-07:00What Happens with a Broken Heart...<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">~ Matthew 11:28</span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></i><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vUkr5h8ceWw/UAOIzCpdE7I/AAAAAAAAAkw/YfWseiNPQ2k/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vUkr5h8ceWw/UAOIzCpdE7I/AAAAAAAAAkw/YfWseiNPQ2k/s200/heart.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></i><br />
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></i><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span">Several weeks ago I had a conversation with a couple of girlfriends. One of them is married and made the comment that she wish she had heeded the advice of an older woman in her life about not giving her heart away so much. That when you give your heart away it's less that you are able to give to your husband one day. My friends continued on this topic for a little while longer and I just sat there pondering that comment (much like I do when pondering seems necessary). I never said anything, but I can't say I agree with it. I'm also not here to advise going out and just freely giving your heart away. The couple of times I have laid my heart out on the line, only to have it returned in many pieces I find that over time it is healed and became stronger and lovelier than ever before. Because of the chances I've taken, the vulnerability I've shown I can say I feel more equipped and ready to love my future husband as God calls me to and is currently training me to do. And there's is absolutely NOTHING I did to heal my broken heart, at least not on my own. All I did was humbly and faithfully take it to God and ask him, in HIS timing to heal it, to make it whole once again. It was after the last time it was broken that I realized the common thread. That all the times it was broken were the times that I allowed an earthly man to seep into the areas of my heart that belonged to Christ. I found myself seeking approval from man and affirmation rather than trusting in God and who He says that I am. I promised myself that I would never do it again... I hope I can keep that promise. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span">I <i>know</i> God loves me, there's not a question in mind about that. <i>But</i> I also know how saddened He becomes every time I have to climb into His lap with my heart in hand, all tattered and torn. Sometimes it has to stay in His healing hands for months at a time. And it's not just through broken romantic relationships, but He's held it through broken friendships, death of a loved one, death of a dream(s), disappointment, unmet expectations, etc. I know that God loves when I come to Him, but I also know He loves it more when it happens all the time, not just in the broken times. I'm in a new season. One where I'm learning so much more than I think I ever have before about myself. At any given moment you might find me hysterically happy or hysterically sad. On some occasions I admit that I get mad (yes, I said it... mad). But I don't care, because I know I'm being honest and it's through a healed heart, albeit covered with scars, but healed nonetheless, that I'm walking out who Christ says I am and who He longs to see living a life that honors and glorifies Him. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span">I don't know what the next step is or where the next season will take me, or even how many more broken hearts I'll endure here on earth, but I have no doubt of who will be with me every step of the way. Ready and willing to heal my broken heart, if necessary.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dXzC5Ut6acw/UAOI-Fh2CZI/AAAAAAAAAk4/9shZ8utl1fQ/s1600/533-god-can-heal-a-broken-heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-dXzC5Ut6acw/UAOI-Fh2CZI/AAAAAAAAAk4/9shZ8utl1fQ/s320/533-god-can-heal-a-broken-heart.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;"><br /></span></i></div>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-53910722925816606842012-06-03T20:21:00.001-07:002012-06-03T20:21:03.145-07:00I Won't Give Up: A Lesson in Dream Chasing<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"On hearing this, Jesus said, <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">'It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy, not sacrifice.' For I have not called the righteous, but sinners.'" </span></span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~ Matthew 9:12 (NIV '84)</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." </span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~ Proverbs 13:12 (NIV '84)</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"'Cause even the stars they burn</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Some even fall to the earth</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We've got a lot to learn</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">God knows we're worth it</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">No, I won't give up"*</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></i></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Do you sense a theme here? I've found myself at a crossroads lately. A crossroads between what I <i>love</i> to do, what I <i>want</i> to do, what I <i>need</i> to do, what I <i>don't</i> really care to be doing, and the place where I <i>deeply long</i> to be in the midst of all of it. I guess the bigger question is... in the midst of this crossroad, what <i>will </i>I chose to do? Will I give up... or will I look up, trusting in the one who has illuminated the path before me?</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." </span></i></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~ Psalm 119:105</span></i></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><b><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></i></b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">The last 18 months have been a little deceiving in what I refer to as my "human" eyes. I had so many distractions and what the world would refer to as worldly possessions. I had deceived myself enough to think that I <i>deserved </i>it. I <i>knew</i> where my life was going, I had the <i>perfect</i> life mapped out and was full steam ahead. Had you told me 18 months ago that I would be where I am today, I probably would have just laughed in your face. Terrible, I know! And hindsight is always 20/20, right? That kinda sucks, but then again, how would I know to change things in my life if I couldn't see my mistakes from before, if I <i>refused </i>to see my mistakes from before? Being able to see hindsight in 20/20 reminds me of how grateful I am to be surrounded by such a strong cloud of witnesses, friends and family that hold me up, that intercede for me when I don't have the faintest idea in how to approach the Savior. I thank God that these are the people who <i>have </i>not and <i>will </i>not give up on me. I thank God that my best friend looks at me with a sweet and innocent blank stare when I have my "Ah Ha!" moments, knowing full well that she has probably been trying to tell me all along whatever it is I think I just discovered about myself.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I don't know what my future holds, I will say trying so hard to navigate it and control it over the last 30 years has done wore me out! One thing I do hope is that my thirties look <i>dramatically </i>different from my twenties. Not that my twenties were bad, but I learned so much that I would assume not repeat ;) I want to love more deeply, take more risks, open my heart to the hurting, not allow others to make me feel inferior (<i>not</i> that I'm superior by any means either), trust more intently, and <i>never </i>assume when there's so much I don't know.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I'm not giving up, I don't know where I'm headed, but wherever it is, I'm not giving up... I'm looking up.</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>"I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />And who I am"*</i></span></div></div><br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/O1-4u9W-bns?fs=1" width="480"></iframe><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i>*I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz (Love is a Four Letter Word 2012)</i></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><br />
</i></span></div>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-58367603479224179692012-06-02T16:34:00.000-07:002012-06-02T16:34:09.570-07:00Two BEAUTIFUL Messes<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5sd0D3PRBDk/T8qepdZoDnI/AAAAAAAAAkg/nOGihpEcv78/s1600/StaceyJo_CristynRuth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5sd0D3PRBDk/T8qepdZoDnI/AAAAAAAAAkg/nOGihpEcv78/s320/StaceyJo_CristynRuth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><i>"A friend loves at all times..." ~ Proverbs 17:17</i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
There is this wonderful woman of God I know, and I'm lucky enough to call her my best friend. Her name is Stacey and she doesn't know this yet, but she is the inspiration for this post. I sure hope she doesn't mind :)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Stacey is one of those super special treasures, that when you meet and get to know her you cannot help but thank God she was brought into your life. Stacey and I go back about 6 years, and let me just say I have no question it was God that brought her into my life. You see, she opted to stick around and invest in my life after I acted like a crazy loon the night we met. Oh, but that is another story for another day. I could go on and on singing her praises till I take my last breath here on earth, but her inspiration for this blog comes from a statement she made to me in a conversation earlier today.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Stacey and I have had our fair share of frogs in our lives that did not turn into princes. We have gone back and forth crying on each other's shoulders. She's been angry for me when I didn't have it in me and I've been angry for her when she didn't have it in herself. We are a rockin' team! The thing that Stacey said that got me into blog worthy processing mode was her question of "Why am I the girl who prepares a guy for marriage to someone else?" Oh sweet friend, how I believe so many girls have asked this question out loud as well. My response to my sweet best friend... I told her that God didn't want her to settle, that the reason why it hasn't worked out yet for her is that God has someone more amazing than she could ever imagine for her. I suddenly realized I was preaching to the choir. I too have been the girl that prepares the guy for someone else, and that is a heart breaking place to be. But I have to remember and I have to remind Stacey that there is that possibility that some other girls have had the job of preparing our husbands for us. Praise the Lord for those women and Praise God that He has protected our hearts and lives from something that could have been potentially harmful or hurtful years down the road.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I love the wisdom and the sudden realizations that are coming to light in my thirties. I'm even more grateful that I've got my beautiful friend to walk out each and every one of these seasons with me. Stacey and I are what I would call a "Beautiful Mess." We are learning who we are, we are trusting God in what He's calling us to do with our lives, and we are tripping all over the place trying to fit the pieces of it all together. We are not perfect, but I think that's why we laugh so very much! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Cheers to you my gorgeous BEST FRIEND!!! I cannot wait to see what God has in store for us as the years go by. You are loved! </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
XOXO!!</div>Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5600736544776023284.post-4109621617716672402012-05-17T21:01:00.000-07:002012-05-17T21:01:37.545-07:00Words...<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up." ~ Proverbs 12:25</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." </i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>~ 1 Thessalonians 5:11</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i>"But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called 'Today,' so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." ~ Hebrews 3:13</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: blue;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
I don't know why, but lately words have become more vibrant to me, more alive. Not just the things I hear, but the things I say... <i>especially</i> the things I say. Maybe it's my job, but I'm more inclined to say it has more to do with the tug God has on my heart. Words of encouragement has always and probably always will be my number one love language. Wanna know the way to this girl's heart, well then encourage her! But like I said, more than the words I hear lately, the things that I hear more vividly, more clearly are those things I say. My heart breaks sometimes when I hear some of the things I say, the things I say out of my flesh and not out of the Holy Spirit. Do I trust God enough to speak through me? Sometimes, but a lot of times I don't... or at least I haven't. Someone close to my heart was the first to really point this out to me, and not just let it slide as my "personality" as I've always claimed. I thank God that person was a part of my life, even for a short while. No one had ever referred to me as edgy or sharp before, but then this person came along and opened my eyes to see a whole other part of myself. Maybe that was the only purpose for this person in my life. <br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for playful words, but I needed to start looking at my heart and checking how much of the words coming from my mouth were playful or harmful versus helpful, encouraging, uplifting. My heart breaks when I hear others cut me down, even if just in fun. I do not want to be that person who is hard hearted or unloving. I also don't want to be that person who is constantly trying too hard to get others to like them or please them. I want to be exactly who God intended me to be and being an example of His love. I foresee this being a life long lesson for me, but my hope is that others will start to see a change in me. A sudden softness that glows and exudes the life of Christ. I pray that His Word would come alive in my heart so that I can come alive to others.Cristyn Smithhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18337301366439672581noreply@blogger.com0