Guest Blogger on SIDS America

*The following comes from Bill Darnell, my brother-in-law and Executive Director of SIDS America*

It is with a humble, hurting, and heavy heart that I reach out to you. I am desperately seeking immediate financial help for my family.

We recently moved back to Colorado Springs. It has been so healing and redeeming to return to where our hearts have always desired to raise our family. This is where we believe God has called us to be and where we are to base our nonprofit ministry, SIDS America.

At the same time, it’s been humbling & frustrating considering what our lives, lifestyle, and routines were just 28 months ago living in Colorado Springs before Billy’s death. I was making $75,000 a year in a corporate management job. Both cars were paid for, we had no credit card debt, we had saved up over $45,000 in emergency savings, we owned our home with considerable equity built up, and we were so blessed that Cheryl could stay at home with Avery and Billy. We felt financially responsible, independent, self sufficient, and wise with decisions and investments. We never asked anyone for help; in fact, we sought ways we could bless & serve others, and our life & future felt very happy & hopeful.

Then, Billy died.

Now, 28 months later, we find ourselves desperately trying to survive. I’ve worked over 40+ hours a week, with minimal income, since launching SIDS America back in November 2008. We’ve depleted our savings and have even taken out loans to further the ministry and to help pay off grieving families' funeral, burial, and emergency medical bills.

• We’ve served over 60 families across the country, representing hundreds of lives deeply impacted by the tragedy of SIDS.
• I've aggressively been raising funds for our nonprofit ministry. To date, we’ve raised approximately $100,000 in private donations, and Cheryl and I have invested $135,000 of our own money into the ministry. All of these funds have been depleted to serve families in need, provide appropriate resources, and to form, build, and further the ministry.
• We have dozens of volunteers across America who have offered to help us identify families who have lost a child to SIDS, visit and encourage grieving families, write notes of encouragement, pray for the families we serve, provide meals for grieving families, lead support groups in their hometown, organize fundraisers, and to contact their local pediatrician offices, hospitals, birth centers, daycares, medical examiners, churches and tell them about SIDS America.

As a family, we are just 10 days away from facing complete financial ruin and destroyed good established credit. For 28 months now, we have found a way to pay our bills on time, to keep afloat, as we aggressively & persistently formed, built, and grew SIDS America while all along searching for, reaching out to, and helping newly grieving families. Also, although this is humbling and hard to admit, we’ve had to apply for food stamps & Medicaid in order to get by.

Yes, the death of Billy has put our fragile lives in perspective.

Forming and starting the only faith-based, 501(c)(3) SIDS nonprofit in the country has come at a great price. But we have no regrets. In fact, we have new found empathy for the families we are serving.

I feel like we are getting a second chance at life again being back in Colorado. Our 4th child, Jared Wesley, is due in less than 45 days, and I can't tell you how much I long to welcome him into a calm, secure home environment, to make Cheryl & my kids feel safe, secure & stable again.

Would you please consider helping me reestablish my family and continue this ministry? Whether it’s $10, $100, $1000, $10,000, $100,000, or somewhere in between, given as a one time gift, or given monthly, your support will help us rebuild our lives. Even more importantly, your support will allow us to continue in this life-building ministry. Broken hearts will mend. Babies' lives will be saved. Hope will flood homes. All because YOU invested in SIDS America.

Here’s how you can help.

Our board has approved a $65,000/yr Executive Director salary for me to run SIDS America. If you can contribute to my ministry support, not only will you allow us to reach out to newly grieving families and further the ministry as laid out in the attached SIDS America Investor Proposal / Business Plan, but you will also help us continue on the path of healing here in Colorado Springs.

If this letter touches you anyway and you feel the urgent situation we are in, the most direct way to help us is to give online at www.sidsamerica.org/donatetoday. Any amount you give would be tax deductible since SIDS America is a registered 501(c)(3) nonprofit ministry, and you would receive a receipt for tax purposes.

Or, you could send a check made payable to SIDS America to our new Colorado office address:

SIDS America

13710 Struthers Road, Suite 120

Colorado Springs, Colorado 80921

Or, you can send anything you want to the home we are renting:

Bill & Cheryl Darnell

14618 Allegiance Drive

Colorado Springs, CO 80921

If the tragedy of Billy’s death and the path it has lead us down forces us to have to face bankruptcy, ruined credit, and years of not being able to own a home again or to get a loan, then I’m at the very least going to go down fighting to the last second. I refuse to be “that guy” who at his most desperate hour, didn’t ask for help. Please help us.

Thank you for your prayers and support.

Gratefully,

Bill Darnell

SIDS America

This is how I remember Billy. Smiley, lovable, cuddly... all in all a happy boy. And that is exactly how I imagine he is running around in Heaven with Jesus. It's been 28 months since this precious boy went home to Jesus. So much of life has changed, so many seasons have passed and I see a strength and a legacy that he has left behind. He's our little bear cub... leaving a paw print on the hearts of all those that knew and loved him and I even believe a bit of him lives in his little brother, Nathan and I look forward to see what comes from the personality in his youngest brother due in just under 2 months.

The biggest legacy this little one has left is the birth of the only faith based 501(c)(3) SIDS non-profit in the country. There is a huge need for SIDS America and although I might be a bit biased, I think when you read about what they are doing and how they are working to help other families in need, you'll want to be a part of it too. I realize times are tough, the economy is struggling, but it doesn't take much to support a worthy cause. I truly believe that if you (dear readers) consider giving financially you will find you will be blessed beyond belief. It may not be in the way you think, but I believe it will blow your socks off and you will be pleasantly surprised.

Please, if you do nothing else, take time to read about Bill and Cheryl Darnell at www.sidsamerica.org and you can also read about some of the families they have helped. You can also be a part of assisting these families and others by donating at www.sidsamerica.org/donatetoday Please consider donating, you won't be sorry.

Overcome

*Below is the essay I've submitted to International Justice Mission (IJM) as a part of the application process to intern with them next Winter*

“We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony, everyone overcome.” ~ Desperation Band, Jon Egan, 2007

Over the past two years, I have seen and heard time and time again of people who have “overcome.” They have overcome difficult circumstances, they have overcome tragedy, and they have overcome attempts by the devil trying to gain a hold on their lives. My most vivid picture and testimony of the will to overcome come from the tragic and unexpected loss of my nephew, William Thomas Darnell Jr., to Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), in March, 2008. As the two years have passed since that day, I have witnessed as my sister and her husband have pressed deeper toward the Lord and placed all that they have in His hands; and, as a result they have overcome and continue to walk in healing. I have witnessed how He has blessed their faithfulness to Him. Has it been an easy road? No, not in the least, but it has been a journey from loss to meaningful life once again.

As the days following that tragic day unfolded, I watched from a distance as my sister both questioned and listened to her Heavenly Father, and trusted as He began to speak and comfort her and her husband. I watched as my sister so adamantly wrote and delivered the eulogy at her son’s memorial service. I watched how her grief and honesty testified to others in being open and honest with their grief. I watched as she and her husband built (and continue to build) a ministry that assists other families who face the same loss that they experienced. It is a ministry that might not have been planted had they not walked this road themselves. I have witnessed and heard the countless stories of the families they have assisted in the year-and-a-half that the ministry has existed, and I have seen how God is using the love and compassion in their hearts for a greater good.

I believe that overcoming is a choice that we are all given the opportunity to make. My sister and her husband overcame by trusting in God’s plan, while not knowing what it might be. A lot of the strength they found came from the support system around them. They were able to choose to overcome, to trust in the Lord because of so many people around them trusting, praying, and believing for them.

I foresee for my future a calling to trust in, support, and pray for others. Years ago, I felt called to pursue a masters degree for a career in professional counseling. It was not until two-and-a-half years later that I finally began the journey that would get me to that degree. Through that journey, it has never been about the degree or the initials after my name, but about continuing to work through my “overcome” moments and hopefully helping others do the same.

There is so much hope in the phrase “to overcome” and I thank God for the work He has done and continues to do to help me overcome challenges so that I, in turn, can minister and help guide others toward Him. International Justice Mission is a ministry that gives others the opportunity to choose to “overcome.” When I look at the work that IJM has done and continues to do, I see how they step forward as God has called each worker and volunteer. Those workers and volunteers teach others across different nations to overcome, to see that there is something beyond what they have always believed to be the only way to survive.

Jesus Christ came to this world to overcome so that we may have the choice to overcome through his power and love. It is when we make that decision that we fully walk into all that God has planned for us. Overcoming is a universal word, a universal concept… I do not believe that there should be any cultural barriers when it comes to learning how to overcome.

I Can't Imagine...

...doing anything else.

The other night a good friend and I were talking, sharing life and laughs like we most often do. In the midst of the conversation regarding my internship and going into the counseling profession she stated that she couldn't imagine going into that field and hearing all the stories and circumstances surrounding the patients and being able to leave it at the office. I told her I couldn't imagine not being in it, not being there to help these people, to hear their stories and help guide them towards life.

This is a short blog tonight as I'm exhausted, my heart is overflowing and as a counselor I'm finding how much more I need the ultimate Counselor, Jesus Christ. I wanted to share as a mini-testimony that God truly does have a plan and as I step into the one He's mapped out for me I want you to know I can't imagine being or doing anything else (except for maybe being a wife and a mother...someday).

Good night dear readers & God Bless!

~ C

Uneven Break?

I have a question for you tonight dear readers... have you heard the song "Breakeven" by The Script? If you haven't I'll share a bit of the lyrics with you.

"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

just prayed to a God I don't believe in

'Cause I got time while she got freedom

'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even...

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?

I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces"

Having been in counseling myself since the age of 14 and now finishing up my masters in order to practice as a counselor this song really irks me. I try to stay clear of too many soap boxy subjects, however I've heard this song a million times too many on the radio and I just cannot resist sharing any longer. In a nutshell it's stupid. Part of me wants to sit down with this person and piece by piece dissect the situation (the counselor in me), but of course I realize it's just a song and there may not be any legitimacy to it either. However, someone (or someones) are out there listening to this and literally falling apart because of broken heart and I can't help but think how stupid this song sounds compared to the reality of broken relationships.

A little background for you... when I first heard this song, I thought it was kinda catchy, especially for a break up song. However, I felt it was a little drastic, but quickly realizing I had been there many a time before. The second time I dissected it a little more and putting to work my skills from my own personal therapy as well as what I'm learning as a mental health professional, and most importantly putting into practice my faith above all else, I've realized how utterly ridiculous this is and how it can keep an individual from fully moving forward.

This whole song is based around a guy who put his worth and definition into some girl (and girls, don't get me wrong... we do the very same thing). The truth of the matter is, no one can define you, no other person can be the best part of you. You are the best part of you, every quirk, every habit, every single make up of who you are is you... no one has the power to take responsibility for you or take away a part of you. God created each one of us differently and uniquely, he also created us to be in relationship/community with one another. You cannot be in relationship or community with others if you are not you, if you don't know you, or you find yourself taking on the personality of another to "fit in." That is not healthy, that is not being whole as God intended. I think that is the biggest thing I'm learning for me right now. I cannot be the best counselor I want to be for my clients if I don't know me, if I don't know my values/beliefs, or if I'm changing my outward appearance to please others. I also cannot be a good wife to my future husband someday or take care of our children if I don't know how to care for myself.

I realize relationships are hard and it's extremely hard when they break or fade away, but I've also come to realize that just as man may have the capacity to break my heart, so does God and in all those moments (whether even or not) it comes back together stronger and larger and more loving than before. These are learning moments my friends, no matter what they look like or how hard they seem to be to endure at the time. I can honestly look back on some of my broken life moments and I thank God for the teaching, and I thank God for the people who may have walked away, that they had the strength to walk away from something that could have become completely disastrous or destructible.

I'm finding a lot more strength and confidence these days. I'm not perfect by any means and I still have my own issues to continue to work out, and although my life hasn't really turned out the way I had planned, I thank God for where I am, what has transpired and all the love and life lessons I'm learning along the way as I continue to run this race. I hope and pray the same for you, because not knowing yourself is probably the most heartbreaking thing of all.

Sundance, Rotation Two

This week marked the fifth week of twenty-three in my practicum for my masters and I began working with the youngest age group, Elementary 1. These kids range in age from 5-years-old to 8-years-old. Many of them are struggling with depression and aggressive behavior as well as some ADHD issues. It has been a whirlwind of an experience and I'm loving every minute of it. It definitely utilizes more energy out of me, but these kids are great and remind me how much I am passionate about this field and my continued interest in working with kids. It is a complete 180 from working with the women's group, mostly because these kids are more behavioral than cognitive at this age. They have a hard time putting into words what they are feeling and their first reaction to most situations is to act out.

I'm continuing to gain more experience with paperwork, which I know doesn't sound exciting, but to me it's a part of the job and it makes it all seem more real. I've also sat in a few family therapy sessions and I'm quite impressed with the families we are working with (thus far). I haven't been able to meet with every family and I know that I'll have the opportunity to meet some other ones next week. I will continue with this age group for 3 more weeks and then move up to Elementary 2, at which time I'll be wrapping up my summer session of class at Amberton and gearing up for my final class of my masters degree and pulling out my study books once again to prep for the Boards in December (hopefully).

Prayers are always welcome my friends, especially for these kiddoes. They are remarkable and have so much life ahead, please pray that they would be able to trust in me and begin to tear down the walls they've built. Also continue to pray for me, in true Cristyn fashion I'm constantly on the run from one activity to another, my biggest prayer is that I would be patient with myself and know when to stop and rest.

All Growns Up!

I stole my title from my super duper oh-so-smarty pants older brother, Brian. He's featured in the picture below...

Okay, so that's an old picture, but it never ceases to amuse me. He cracks me up and is one of my best buds, I love the kid!

But that's not what this blog is about. I had the honor of spending the afternoon today with two of my favorite little munchkins, my nephews Will and Brock...

These two handsome mischief makers are my other brother, Bill's sons. Will is the elder of the two and featured on the left above. This kid blows me away! He's 2 1/2 and super communicative, detail-oriented, and a super sleuth! As I was driving out to McKinney to care for these wonderful treasures I went back to that March day over 2 years ago when after finding out that my other nephew, Billy Jr. (my sister's son), was sick I drove out to my brother and sister-in-laws house. Will was 4 1/2 months old at the time, a mere 2 weeks younger than Billy Jr.

As I reflected upon that day I recall the exact details as I approached my brother's house. He, my sister-in-law Denise, Will, and myself closed ourselves off from my eldest nieces and nephew by hanging out in the master bedroom as we awaited to find out what was going on. I held Will in my arms and as he looked up at me I remember promising that he would see his older cousin again and would grow up and play with him. I so desperately wanted to believe that, but I honestly can't tell you what I believed in those hours of waiting. After my brother made a few calls to the hospital in Colorado, my sister finally called and gave us the tragic news that Billy did not make it, he had passed away. Life became very numb in that moment, time sorta stood still for the longest time.

Now here we are just over 2 years later and I feel like a whole lifetime has passed sometimes. My sister, her husband, their daughter, and youngest son (born since the death of Billy) have moved back to Colorado to build their lives and dreams there and are expecting another bundle of joy in just under 3 months. My brother, Bill and his wife, Denise have since added another baby, Brock who is 17-months-old today! Brian, after 11 years has finished his Bachelor's Degree and gearing up to teach junior level history courses at our alma mater in Coppell... I couldn't be more proud!

And me, well, for the first time I feel like an adult. I look back on that day in March 2008 and I recall how immature I was, how lost I was, and how timid and fearful I was. I see the woman in the mirror now and I couldn't be more grateful for the healing God has done in my heart and the hearts of all my family members. One of the greatest honor and responsibilities I've ever been given was that of becoming an aunt to all my precious nieces and nephews.

Billy Jr. will never be forgotten and we will forever tell the stories of his short life that brought so much joy to us all. God has done a miracle and I can tell that I'm all growns up now! ; )