Sufficiency

"Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our sufficiency comes from God" ~ 2 Corinthians 3:5


It's interesting the flood of memories that come rushing to my mind when I read this verse.  You see, when I was an undergrad at SMU I was a part of an amazing group of godly women.  We were a Christian sorority, fully on fire for God.  Passionately loving and pursuing Him and walking life with one another.  I read the first word of this verse now and immediately I can recite the rest of it without blinking an eye.  I remember all the times we'd recite it as a group at the end of a Monday night meeting.  I sure do miss those days and often times wonder why I didn't invest more of myself into it.

It's interesting how appropriate this verse is right now in this season of life.  My heart is broken over a relationship and like I've done in the past when a relationship ends, I throw myself into whatever else is going on around me or in my life.  Whether it be work, family, friends, writing, sleeping, exercising, learning to cook...and the list goes on and on.  I somehow convince myself that if I can be content in doing all these things on my own strength then I'll be just fine.  And to some degree there is truth and wisdom to this theory, however over the last two and a half weeks I've found that all I really want is to sit in the presence of God.  Worship songs are played louder, and heard in a completely different way.  My extra drive time between jobs is spent processing through what God is telling me about where I've been and where He wants to take me.  I love how He's gently reminding me of the passions I so conveniently tuck away somewhere when someone else comes along.  And this by no means is the fault of the other person, but purely and fully mine.  And you dear reader have the privilege of being the first to hear me admit it.  I allow passions and dreams to die when I believe another might be coming to fruition.  Of course this too has some validity to it, but when it is by my own hand, my own doing...without trusting in God's doing, then it's not healthy.

The truth of the matter is that without God, I am nothing...with Him, I am everything.  And even in those times when I am not everything, He still loves me (and you).