It Starts with a Mustard Seed

"Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this moutain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." ~ Matthew 17:20

So I was talking with a friend tonight and he asked me if there was one thing I could change about him what would it be...so I proceeded to tell him. And then the tables were turned and I asked him the same about me. It's a very eye opening question and you definitely have to be willing to go into it with an open heart and trust that the one you are asking is responding in love. After hanging up the phone I started to ponder our enlightening conversation a bit more and immediately God reminded me of Matthew 17:20 in which Jesus informs the disciples of what little faith they have and that it only takes faith as small as a mustard seed to make a change. I'm longing for that these days...for change and for my faith to be as big as a mustard seed. I hadn't even realized that it was smaller than that.

Another story that came to mind was when Jesus calmed the storm. The most recent version I've heard of this story came from my 2-year-old niece, Avery and I have to say her rendition of it is quite compelling...

"It wained and it wained (hand motions showing rain coming down used in this description) and then Jeos (Jesus) came and stopped (holding out hand like stop signal) it. Jeos stopped the wain." ~ Avery recapping the calming of the storm as told to her by her Sunday School teachers

He's coming and the rain's a stopping, because that is one of many things our Miracle worker does...He comes to calm the storm, to lead the lost, and to love many!

A Season Such as This...

"Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end
Until I see you again"

~ Until I See You Again, Mark Schultz (Broken & Beautiful)

We are coming up on 5 months since my precious nephew, Billy passed away. I can't believe it, some days it seems like just yesterday and other days it seems like a lifetime ago. Today we rejoice in the fact that he is laughing, running, and playing in the arms of Jesus...and we also rejoice in the fact that God has blessed my sister and her husband with another addition to their family that will make his/her arrival in March of 2009...talk about divine appointment. : ) The grief doesn't seem so hard to bear anymore and in the last few weeks I'm starting to see all that God is teaching me through this and how he is using my precious nephew to open my eyes to understand an emotion, a word that I never realized I didn't fully understand...Love.

Life happens when we least expect it, at least that's what I'm learning. We think we are living, fully living...but I think now that in those times when what you least expect happens, well that's when you fully live. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, when I go to lay my head to sleep the last word that usually pops into my head these days is love. Did I love today, not just say it...but show it, I mean really show it. Love has so many connotations to it and I guess I feel as though I'm learning every angle of it.

I look back 5 months and think "how in the world did I get through that, how did I continue to go on...to stand" and I realize it wasn't even me. What kept me going was a number of things...mostly God's strength, but also I see the faces in my mind of all the friends that held me up the day after I found out Billy was gone. I see the faces that continue to stand with me and my family today as we go through the motions of living life without him. I see love. How else can you explain those who will just sit and listen...or those who at no particular time on any given day pick up the phone just to find out how you are? Nothing else matters anymore, truly. I'm in a season right now where you could say it's dark and a little unsettled and a wee bit confusing, but when I'm still, when I take even just a moment to seek God I see His hand...He's got a plan. I've made some crazy (at least some would say that) decisions in the past few months and I'm not gonna lie...I question myself on those decisions some days, but then God comes in and calms the fear, ceases the questions and reminds me that with each step of faith I take He is right there guiding me.

I invite you to join me on the journey of learning all about love...it's more than an expression, an emotion, or a way to share affection for someone...it's a lifestyle. Nothing else matters, really truly...no amount of money, no job title, no amount of approval from a specific person, nothing else matters if you do not love.

Adventures with Atomic Farts...

I have the wonderful joy and honor of continuing my side career of professional babysitter...a position I have every intention of maintaining at least until I get married one day, and even then I might keep up with some clients (some people are just too hard to say good bye to). And tonight has been no different...with an adventure at every turn. I've been babysitting this young boy since he was 3-years-old and now he is 8...crazy how time flies. He definitely has a never ending energy about it, but it's perfect for me because it keeps me going and distracts me from my own little adult world all full of crazy (and sometimes stupid) thoughts. Needless to say, next to being an aunt, this is the best job I have.

After a yummy dinner at our favorite dinner place, The Corner Bakery, we came home to video games. I gave Star Wars a time or two and quickly gave up...it's just not as exciting as Smash Brothers on Wii. Thus we began the never ending battles of Smash Brothers...where Andy picks a different guy every time (because he knows all their individual tricks) and I become bound and determined to master one character before I can move on to another (usually I give up and change anyway knowing that pigs will fly before I win a round at Smash Brothers). Tonight I got to know Wario...apparently the evil twin brother to Mario. It was pretty funny...he rides a motorcycle, only to jump off of it, blow it up, and occasionally eat the parts. But better than that...he shoots out atomic farts, yes it's true...I never thought farts would make me laugh so hard. So as I placed Andy to bed tonight we had a great laugh about Wario eating tires and other junk, where I then made a joke about that being the explanation for his atomic farts. I love that I made Andy laugh...that was the absolute best part of my evening. Kids make adults laugh all the time, but very rarely do you find kids laughing at a joke from an adult. It's good to know I still have a sense of humor with the kiddoes I watch.

So that's my story about atomic farts...nothing too exciting, but definitely worth sharing.

Wait!

Wait - stay where one is or delay action until a particular time or until something else happens

"Do not leave Jerusalem, but wait for the gift my Father promised, which you have heard me speak about." ~ Acts 1:4

I attended worship service at Bent Tree Bible Fellowship this morning and it was so amazing. The senior pastor, Pete Briscoe, has been teaching on evangelism the last few weeks and today he shared some amazing truths about the lost that surround us, the ones that we love on and fellowship with that do not know or realize the truth behind the gift of our Savior. But beyond that God used what Pete was teaching to speak deeper to me and deeper into my season of life right now. The way I see it right now is God has striped me of everything (well, not EVERYTHING, but definitely things I was clinging onto for stability/support). But God sees it so differently and He spoke to me today...or at least He started to. I know there's gotta be more, especially knowing how amazing God is and seeing all that He has already done in the last few weeks.

I'm looking for a new job right now, and it's not easy...in fact it's a little frustrating and depressing. I want to shout at the top of my lungs from the rooftops what an amazing employee and asset I would be to any company, but alas that's not really feasible. So I keep searching...but then today happened and I wonder if there is so much more to this season than looking for a job. I'm 26 and I'm tired of doing something just to get by, and the last job I had was amazing and taught me so many valuable lessons and stretched me way beyond what I could have hoped or imagined. But that job was a huge blessing and sort of landed in front of me, could that even happen twice?

So the one word that stuck out more than anything in today's message at church was "WAIT." God told the apostles in Acts to wait where they were, not to leave or move...that what He had promised them would be coming and that when it did then they could make their next move. I couldn't help but think that maybe that is God's word for me as well. Maybe I am to wait for a designated period of time, for in that time God will fulfill what He has promised me and what He has laid out for me and then, when that comes to pass, I can step out to do all that God has created and purposed me for. I get a little weary on words like this because I don't want to misinterpret what God is saying/teaching, but at the same time I don't want to be disobedient.

There has been a very small window of encouragement for me today as there is so much unsettled around me and so much heartbreak that sometimes I find it hard to be strong enough to reach out to Him, to even trust that He truly does have something so amazing just waiting for me on the other side. I do know Him though, I do know that I hear from Him through the Holy Spirit living in me...it's just a matter of working through the fear. I guess now with no other distractions going on I can focus more on overcoming the fear and starting to trust the one who loves me more than anyone at a whole new level.

I share all this to be truly transparent with you (the reader) and in hopes that you too will find a way to let your guard down and be truly real with those around you, those who you love and trust and even the ones you hope to guide into Jesus' arms one day. I have two words to leave with you and they have become my focus of prayer these days...peace and joy. I pray that God will restore the peace and joy in my heart that has been missing lately.

So long for now...
~ Cristyn

P.S. I posted a pic of my new hair just in case you were wondering how it looked...

A Day in the life of an Aunt

I have to say of all the responsibilities that I have in my life, of all the "jobs" I have...being Aunt Cristyn is by far the best one EVER! I can't even fathom how much more my heart will grow one day when I have kids of my own, but I sure am glad that with each time I become an aunt again my heart grows about 10 sizes bigger! There is more than enough joy, love, patience, compassion, and about 50 million other emotions/feelings to go around for all the little ones in my life.

Today has by far been the greatest day in a sea of a million (or maybe closer to a trillion) not so great days lately. I'm starting to wonder if my friends might be right, maybe this is meant to be a season of rest for me, a season in which my eyes will stop looking at myself and what I'm capable of doing on my own, but rather unto God and what He is capable of doing through me once I stop being so stubborn and allow Him to use me! What made today so different than most any other day is I had the joy of spending it with one Avery Elizabeth, my 2-year-old niece whom I love oodles and oodles. The day started off with a knock on the door and one little voice on the other side exclaiming, "Hi Aunt Tissyn, come on in." Oh gee, I sure hope she is not that friendly with the UPS person. We started off our day with donuts and chocolate milk (major bonus points for me starting her day off with lots and lots of sugar). We played around for a bit once she proved to me that yes indeed at 2 she can most certainly dress herself. One of her favorite toys right now is her Mr. Potato Head. The best part about it is when you put his eyes where his mouth goes, his mouth where his ear goes, his arm where a hat should be and a nose where his feet should be...I think you get the point. But better than that is when you try to fit Mr. Potato Head's body parts on you!!! Talk about rolling on the floor laughing, Avery got the biggest kick out of that.

Avery and I continued our day by venturing out to the mall, buying some stuff for Mommy so that she could pamper herself once and a while, and then finishing it off with playtime with her older (and one younger) cousins. My precious Avery is so full of joy, more joy than I think I've ever seen in a 2-year-old. She loves everyone and is so enamored with all that is around her and ever changing. She brings so much light and life and joy to all those around her...she truly sets the example of what I hope to be someday. She is obedient and respectful, lovely and caring...I don't think there is much more you could ask from this sweet little girl.

As I was driving home this evening from my fun-filled day, I was listening to one of my favorite worship CDs and suddenly every word of every song made sense. They all stood out so much larger and more clearly than before. I can't believe that I have only begun to scratch the surface of How Great God Is and all that He has for me in the future. And to finish the evening off, I came home to tell my dad about my day...and his response..."I don't know how you are going to have kids one day when you are so busy being such a great aunt." Oh, I'm sure God will make a way, after all I've already seen how much He has stretched my heart...but what greater way to end the day than to know I'm right where I should be, doing exactly what I'm called to do...LOVE!

A Life Fully Blessed

Oh what a crazy season this has become. I feel like one event has turned into numerous events which has all snowballed me into a season of "unsettledness." Ugh! I hate that, I truly do...but then I'm reminded of how blessed I am, even in the midst of my world being flipped upside down. See, I am surrounded by so much love in my life. Love from friends and love from family...for that I could not be more grateful. I had the honor and privilege of speaking with 3 very wise and wonderful women that having been walking life with me for years all within the last 24 hours...God must have truly known what I needed. I wanted so much to guard myself and not let them in as I always have before, but I couldn't resist, I was desperately seeking wise and loving council. I already knew some decisions I needed to make, but God answered by prayers by showing me clarity through the words and wisdom of the 3 women I trust immensely.

I'm not gonna lie...I'm scared right now. It's a very real and very raw emotion that I can't hide, even if I tried. I go out of town for 10 days and I knew I had one big obstacle to tackle when I got back...but in actuality I ended up with 3...that I was NOT prepared for. I know God makes a way, I know he'll provide and bring blessing and love to my life...but right now it could not get any darker in here...at least that's what I think. One of these women that I've shared life with mentioned that this could be an amazing season of rest for me, for me to learn to truly let go and let God take control of every situation. Does that mean stop looking for a job, give up on finding a roommate or a new place to live? Of course not, but it does mean learning to fully trust and not allow my anxiety to rule my life. That seems easier said than done. But at the same time, I'm willing to find out. If this truly is a season of rest where I can place priority on my graduate schoolwork and find a place of true contentment, then I'm all in. I'm more than happy to let God lead the way as I know that I would probably leave nothing but a destructive path if I was in control.

So can I? Can I truly let go and let God lead the way during this rocky season? Can I trust the only ONE who has proven time and time again that there is a reason and purpose to each and every thing He lays His hands on? Come along with me...share life and let's see what He has in store!

Good-bye South Carolina!!

Ok, today is my last official day in good ol South Carolina. Yesterday was a very calm and low key day for me. Jess and I both woke up not feeling well so we decided to lounge around the house and watch a movie (we watched "License to Wed" so funny and so good). After that we went and got our nails done and then off to eat a quick bite and I got to witness as Jess and her mom had vocal rehearsal (they are part of a vocal performance group out here called 'Sweet Adelines'). It was interesting...the group is great, but not really my cup of tea. I joked with Jess that she was in a Jazz hands performance club.

After that wonderful adventure we headed to some friends of Jess and Martin's. Jess and I hung out with the wife (Melissa) while Martin and some of his other cop buddies hung outside throwing darts and drinking beer (what most guys do outside...I think). We had fun talking girl talk and watching the Olympics...it was intense a few times, I'm not sure I can handle watching the Olympics consistently.

About 11:30pm (EST) we decided we were wiped out and headed home. It was a good day to lay low as it rained most if not all day. Today we are back at Jess's work and then in a bit we will head towards the airport (we have a couple of errands to run before I jet set back to the land of the living). I'm glad I had this wonderful adventure/experience, but I'm also looking forward to all that awaits me back home.

Oh, and I forgot to share one very fun fact about my family...my brother and his wife are expecting another baby (a boy to be exact) in January/February of next year. Please keep them in your prayers as they transition from having 4 kiddoes to 5 and that it would be a smooth pregnancy for my sister-in-law. I'm sure I'll be sharing more as the months go by.

Good-bye South Carolina!
~ Cristyn