Who I Am...

I've gone down this road many a time before...the road to self discovery and who I am. It has come up several times lately and it appears that after about a week of stuffing it down and avoiding the issue I need to declare who I am.

I am the daughter of a King, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! I am also human, very much so...I make mistakes, I sometimes do a poor job of prioritizing and often am not the best friend, sister, aunt, granddaughter, co-worker that I could be. I am human...I don't say this to be negative, in fact that is the last thing I want to do...I say this to declare that I am not perfect and I make mistakes. I love that, truly I do...I have spent too much time trying to be perfect and make everyone happy that it is driving me nuts. I get irritated when a mini-van which is not really mini parks in a compact car space and if they do fit, they still can't fit appropriately between the two white lines...God bless them, for all I know they seriously tried and that was the last available spot for them to park.

I am a bit OCD sometimes, I tend to straighten up the chips at Potbelly when it appears that a few of them are slipping off the shelf. I love to push in the cup holder in my boyfriend's car when it is sticking out without a cup in it...he loves it ;) My bathroom is disgusting and for all I know is growing stuff that can only be seen with one of those scientific ultraviolet lights that they use to find finger prints and gunpowder at crime scenes...normally I hate that, but right now life has been crazy so cleaning my bathroom has been the absolute last thing on my mind.

I am a little silly sometimes, okay honestly...I am a lot silly a lot of the time and that just hasn't been apparent lately. I like to sit and contemplate why root beer has more fizz than other sodas and why exactly does cherry coke taste better than coke...is it really the sweet cherry taste or just because? In addition, why do they have signs on the fire extinguisher at the local hospital that reads "no parking?" No parking what? Your wheelchair, the food cart, stretchers? I mean it could be so many things and yet none of them make sense. Seriously, how many cars do you know drive down the hospital corridors and how many of them park in front of fire extinguishers?

This doesn't really answer a lot about who I am, but it does help explain some of the things that run through my head at random times. Those are the silly and fun things that make me who I am, but there is so much more.

I am a survivor, a fighter, strong, independent and not willing to back down or give up on anything or anyone. I love kids, they are so full of life, care-free and absolutely adorable. My nieces and nephews are the light of my life and bring so much joy to my heart. My family is one of my biggest support systems. I've started working towards my masters in counseling so that one day I can work with kids and families...not sure how long it will take, but as long as it takes I am determined to finish the path that has been laid out before me. It will mean sacrifices of time with the ones I love, possibly less travel time, and for some of the things that I love.

Now here is the part where I share the things that I love...

I love to read, mostly books on Christian Living, but there are several novels I've come across that have been nothing but intriguing. I love walks, to take time out of my day and take in the beauty that God has laid out before me, to see how many ducks are swimming in the local pond or just sit and see what shapes I can make out of the clouds above. I love music, I love to sing and dance and to listen as a song reminds of the life God has blessed me with or the future I long to see. I love flowers...specifically roses and gerber daisies, bouquets full of spring colors and that will light up the room every time you walk in. I love the stars that I can see from my parent's front yard at night, to be able to find the big dipper in the dark dark sky, to think or hope that I see Orion's belt. I love movies, to be wrapped up in a blanket on my couch or in the arms of my love and completely lost in something completely unreal. I love wine and bubble baths...to take time for me and sit and relax in a warm bath full of great smelling bubbles and enjoy a glass of great wine. I hide in my apartment sometimes and engulf myself in the Bible, to learn more about the life that God is calling me into and the love that He has for me, the kind of love that never ends and is unconditional.

I've been told I should be more adventurous and honestly I do crave that, to travel to places unknown, to experience the Dallas night life that in the 26 years that I've lived here I've never known before. I want to learn to play poker just so I can spend more time with my boyfriend and so he has more things to laugh at me about (not that I don't appreciate it, it makes me laugh a whole lot more at myself when he does). I love playing video games with my nieces and nephew...I haven't done it in years, but it reminds me of how great life is and how simple it can be. I want to go to Italy and experience what it is like to drive a Vespa down what looks like a one way street but strangely allows two vehicles. And then there are all the things that I wouldn't think of to be an adventure but somehow they become one.

My biggest adventure is living a life that counts, one where Jesus Christ is the love of my life and what He holds for me is beyond more than I could ever hope or imagine...I can't wait to see where this road will lead.

Original Post: May 2, 2008