"I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
just prayed to a God I don't believe in
'Cause I got time while she got freedom
'Cause when a heart breaks, no it don't break even...
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces"
Having been in counseling myself since the age of 14 and now finishing up my masters in order to practice as a counselor this song really irks me. I try to stay clear of too many soap boxy subjects, however I've heard this song a million times too many on the radio and I just cannot resist sharing any longer. In a nutshell it's stupid. Part of me wants to sit down with this person and piece by piece dissect the situation (the counselor in me), but of course I realize it's just a song and there may not be any legitimacy to it either. However, someone (or someones) are out there listening to this and literally falling apart because of broken heart and I can't help but think how stupid this song sounds compared to the reality of broken relationships.
A little background for you... when I first heard this song, I thought it was kinda catchy, especially for a break up song. However, I felt it was a little drastic, but quickly realizing I had been there many a time before. The second time I dissected it a little more and putting to work my skills from my own personal therapy as well as what I'm learning as a mental health professional, and most importantly putting into practice my faith above all else, I've realized how utterly ridiculous this is and how it can keep an individual from fully moving forward.
This whole song is based around a guy who put his worth and definition into some girl (and girls, don't get me wrong... we do the very same thing). The truth of the matter is, no one can define you, no other person can be the best part of you. You are the best part of you, every quirk, every habit, every single make up of who you are is you... no one has the power to take responsibility for you or take away a part of you. God created each one of us differently and uniquely, he also created us to be in relationship/community with one another. You cannot be in relationship or community with others if you are not you, if you don't know you, or you find yourself taking on the personality of another to "fit in." That is not healthy, that is not being whole as God intended. I think that is the biggest thing I'm learning for me right now. I cannot be the best counselor I want to be for my clients if I don't know me, if I don't know my values/beliefs, or if I'm changing my outward appearance to please others. I also cannot be a good wife to my future husband someday or take care of our children if I don't know how to care for myself.
I realize relationships are hard and it's extremely hard when they break or fade away, but I've also come to realize that just as man may have the capacity to break my heart, so does God and in all those moments (whether even or not) it comes back together stronger and larger and more loving than before. These are learning moments my friends, no matter what they look like or how hard they seem to be to endure at the time. I can honestly look back on some of my broken life moments and I thank God for the teaching, and I thank God for the people who may have walked away, that they had the strength to walk away from something that could have become completely disastrous or destructible.
I'm finding a lot more strength and confidence these days. I'm not perfect by any means and I still have my own issues to continue to work out, and although my life hasn't really turned out the way I had planned, I thank God for where I am, what has transpired and all the love and life lessons I'm learning along the way as I continue to run this race. I hope and pray the same for you, because not knowing yourself is probably the most heartbreaking thing of all.