Thursday, October 14, 2010

Not My Will...but HIS

"A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure." ~ Proverbs 16:9

I looked in the mirror the other night and I didn't recognize the girl staring back at me.  Where there was once a wallflower, a shy stick figure of a girl, now stands this elegant, independent, beautiful creation of a King.  I've always existed as such, but it was only in the last couple of years that I came to understand and truly believe what God created inside of me.  With that revelation it has become to pour out and shine on the outside.  I think if you had asked me a few years ago what the future looked like, what life looked like for me, it would have been rather bleak.  More confused and unsure than anything.  I sit in my safe little nook of my bedroom and where pictures once stood, there are now blank spots as I begin to pack up and prepare for the next season of life.  It's a beautiful journey we are on here on earth, despite the ups and downs, good times and bad...darkness and light.  

I still haven't found words to explain what all God has done in and through me as He has shaped my life, but I believe when the time is HIS timing...then I'll have the words.  The Lord has filled me to overflowing, more than I can ever hope or imagine.  I don't know what is up ahead, what the future holds, but I know that based on the journey I've already been down thus far, there is nothing I can't do in Christ.  

Ten years ago I had no idea I'd be in this place, I had no idea this would be the journey God would bring me through...honestly, I wasn't even sure I was going to live 10 years ago.  But God knew all that, He knew when my heart would bleed for Him, when my heart would break because of this world, and He always knows what I need right when I need it.  My God is a God who saves and by the blood of His son I am indeed saved.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Still in the Making

Today was a GREAT day!  Another day where as magnificent as it was, it could not be placed into words and God and I really connected.  It's been a while since I felt the peace of God and just assured that I was exactly where He wanted me to be.  I can't stop smiling... for a multitude of reasons really, but for now I'll just share today.

I've been praying pretty intently now for the last 4 weeks about a short term internship I had applied for in Washington, D.C. with International Justice Mission.  Such an amazing organization and you can find out more about what they are doing around the world at  When I first heard about the internship I had no reservations, in fact I didn't think twice about telling everyone that was the path I was going to take after graduation and that I would be applying, etc., etc, etc.  But then about a week before I sent in my application I started to feel lots of anxiety about this choice and questioning my decision to apply and seek out something that really did not pertain to my degree in counseling.  After seeking wise counsel I was finally able to focus my prayer about it on just praying that God would either very clearly open the door or very clearly close it.  Today He very much closed that door and in an instant I felt a weight lifted and a peace I had never known before.  So much anxiety flew the way of the bird during winter time.  The cool thing about it was I just returned from a trip to Colorado last night and for the first time in a long time... Dallas really felt like home, it was good to be back.  Colorado had been removed from the potential job/relocation list about a month ago and so the choice was between D.C. and Dallas, and God made it perfectly clear today that D.C. was not where he was calling me.

I don't know why everything suddenly changed, why in a matter of less than 24 hours I stopped wrestling with God about staying in Dallas and instantly just knew there was no where else I should be.

Over the last two plus years I've spent a lot of time soul searching and as hard as the path has been at times, I got through it....WE (me & God) got through it.  I look back over my life sometimes and I see how the puzzle pieces have come together and how one step, one decision has led to another and another and eventually here... and ultimately where He is leading me.  I'm excited to see what the future holds, I'm excited to have a peace and be able to focus in on one particular area where God has me.  For now I'll keep smiling and when times get dark or tough, I'll remember this place where God brought me so that I won't forget that He's always with me.