Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Tears into Diamonds?

Have you ever wondered what God does with the tears we cry? 

We know He catches them, but then what?  Does He place them in a jar like we do to lightening bugs in the summer?  Does he use them to fill up the oceans, rivers, creeks, streams, lakes, and ponds of the world?  Or is it possible that maybe, just maybe He returns them to us in diamonds?  

I've been thinking about this over the last week or so and I wonder if what we see and feel as pain sometimes God turns into beauty.  Like when the unexpected loss of a loved one seems to much to bear only to be given the gift of another life soon there after?  Even the ability to celebrate a milestone in life on the anniversary of the day we sent one of God's children home to be with Him?  Those are moments where I see tears turn into diamonds... what about you?  I realize we often times have tears of joy, I finally had one of those moments after 14 months of tears of sadness the other day.  Those moments I haven't quite figured out, but when I do I'll let you know my theory.  For now I focus on how God takes what we see as unbearable and painful and is able to turn it into something good.

We know that everything works together for good for those who love the Lord so then why can't God turn our tears into something beautiful?

"I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns."
~ Philippians 1:6

Saturday, May 9, 2009

In My Brokenness...

"It's supposed to be hard.  If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it.  The hard... is what makes it great." ~ Jimmy Dougan (played by Tom Hanks) in A League of Their Own (1992)

"Childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome.  That's what momma always says.  She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most.  Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning.  Just give hope a chance to float up.  And it will..." ~ Birdee Pruitt (as played by Sandra Bullock) in Hope Floats (1998)

"And I'll fall facedown 
As your glory shines around
Yes I'll fall facedown
As your glory shines around"
~ Matt Redman (2004)

I will never leave you nor forsake you. ~ Joshua 1:5

It hit me as I was driving home tonight how much I'm starting to see God answer my prayers and how deeply close I feel to Him these days.  The funny thing is I'm finding Him more now that I'm starting to face my brokenness and "junk."  There are an endless amount of times I could tell you about how I've heard the still small sound of my Lord and Savior in the most unusual of places... and I could never be more grateful.  For years I've prayed that God would give me eyes to see what He sees in me, what others see in me and although I still struggle to see the princess He has created and formed I trust and believe that there is a day coming that I will stand in full confidence of who He has called me to be.  I'm starting to recognize more and more the arrows of the enemy and am able to shield myself from his attacks.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the midst of my brokenness, in finally coming to terms with it and admitting the truth of it all I'm finding me, and wow I can't believe that this girl has been hidden for so long.  There are still deep desires of my heart that I await to come to pass, but in the mean time I'm finding me, I'm finding independence and a life that I never even realized could exist.  I thank God that even in the times and seasons of pain we may feel it but at the same time we can still feel His love so powerfully.  I'm grateful that despite whatever is going on around me or whoever may be around me I can fully grasp my emotions and allow myself to feel with all that I have.

Father God,
I pray that as we seek you each day we are able to grasp all that day brings and live in the moment that you have blessed us with.  I thank you Father that with each new day your mercies are new, that there is nothing we can do that would cause you to love us any less or any more.  Thank you that as we forgive others you forgive us.  I pray Lord that in the midst of our brokenness and pain we can still feel the love and grace you extend to us more than ever before.
Thank you for your sacrifice so that we may have life and have it abundantly!
~ Amen

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Living for the Little Moments

My sweet niece, Avery made my heart melt as we spent time coloring last night.  I would love if I could capture each and every moment with her in a jar (such as that of catching a lightening bug). We somehow got on the topic of Colorado and the following conversation is one I will forever treasure in my heart and made me tear up just a bit...

Me: "You miss Colorado?"

Avery: "Yeah"

Me: "You miss your friends there?"

Avery: "Yeah, Payton and Amy... but you're here to play with me"

I would give anything so that little girl could have her home and life in Colorado back.  Don't bet me wrong, I enjoy having her here and of course I love that my sister is close to share life with again, but I don't like that it came at the expense of losing my sweet nephew.  The enemy comes but to steal, kill, and destroy.  He may or may not be the one that took our sweet Billy from our arms here on earth, but he did steal the happiness and joy that once rested in the hearts of the Darnell family and for that I will not sit by and let him win.  I live for the little moments with my sweet Avery, and I with no apologies and no shame I will stand and believe with my sister that they will one day return to Colorado to make a home there.  I can't wait for Nathan to see it, he's gonna love it there... and I look forward to what God has for me there as well! ; )