"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light." ~ 1 Peter 2:9
It is hard for me to wrap my mind around the idea of being "chosen." God chose me... He chose you... He chose us. That's a very hard truth for me to fully grasp sometimes. I look at my life, I look at my failures, I look at the times I've disappointed the people I love and care about and still... He chose me? Really?!? Why??? For nothing more than He simply loves me, loves you, loves us. Now that is a truth I can cling onto. And sometimes, that's all I have, or at least it seems that way. When the darkness of life falls on me, when the harsh truth that this world is not what God intends for Heaven strikes a chord with me, I cling to His love.
But how do we find rest in His love when all this world often does is throw busyness at us, and a million different reasons to feel unsettled or unloved? My belief, at least from my own life is the realization that we are constantly being built, or altered, or stretched/challenged. God does not intend to keep us the way we were when He first created us. As we grow in love, in life, in experiences, we are changing. We come with so many different parts. Parts we don't notice when we first open the box that is our life and personality, some parts we burn out and have to replace with the same part but a newer model. Sometimes as we grow we find that some parts that fit well for awhile no longer fit us, we are ready for something more advanced or more challenging. But what doesn't come with these parts, what is not included as we form into all God has intended us to be is a manual. Yes, we have His word and I am a firm believer that part of its purpose is to guide us through this life here on earth. But what about the times when you can't see past your own wall of tears? What then? Broken hearts don't have a manual with a step by step explanation of how to become whole again. How to survive the unexpected loss of a loved one has no A, B, C connect the dots relief.
My belief is it is a combination of things that create that manual. First, is God's word, for there is so much healing hidden in His word. Words that I may never have found if my heart hadn't been broken so many times, if I hadn't had that experience of losing my nephew when I least expected it.... and quite possibly if I hadn't tried to destroy my own body. I thank God that He is using His word to repair my heart and to shout out His love for me when I don't quite understand why He chose me. Secondly, is time. One of the greatest things I've heard in my adult life is that "time is your best friend." It's so true, as impatient as I can get sometimes, I look back on my life and I think "Praise God all it took was some time." I'm in one of those moments right now, I look back on the last 6 months of my life and it's been hard, but not my hardest season of life. It has been an opportunity filled with disappointment from man, but filled with new understanding and deeper love for my Heavenly Father. It has been time to reflect over the years before and see where I am not trusting God and where I'm trying so hard to do the work alone, by my own strength.
I don't know where I'm headed, I know where I'd like to be, but I'm finding where I want to be and where God wants me to be doesn't always add up to "where I'm headed." I look forward to the continued assembling of my life through the hands of the King. I look forward to not knowing how to assemble or what the manual says. I look forward to creating it as the Lord best sees fit. I look forward to growing closer to the One who chose little 'ole me.