Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Celebrating Billy... Celebrating Five Years Old!

Dear Billy,

The picture above is one of my favorites of you and your big sister.  Man I miss those chubby little cheeks.  It's hard to believe that this year marks 5 years since your birth here on earth.  I still wonder what you would look like right now.  Would you be as tall as your sister?  Or at least close to her in height?  Would your home be 10 times louder with 3 boys running around versus only 2?  Whatever the decibel difference, I'm sure it would be greatly welcomed if it meant you were here with us.

When the weeks and days get closer to your birthday or the date of your birth up to Heaven I tend to get a little anxious, wondering how I'll respond to those days.  But then I remember there is nothing I can do to change what happened, I can however thank the Lord for His grace, His patience, and His healing hand.  At the deepest part of my heart, from the pit of my soul I cry out "Blessed Be Your Name."  God's Word says in Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  I believe that God grieved as we grieved over losing you, and with each birthday that passes the grief that comes, mixed with the relief that you are safe in the arms of Jesus, He is there every step of the way.

As we celebrate yet another birthday without you Billy Bug, we find peace and hope in the fact that it means we are one day closer to seeing you once again in Heaven.  One of the greatest gifts I've ever received was becoming your aunt on November 1, 2007... I will never forget spending a whole week with you shortly after you were born, just watching you sleep and holding you close to my heart.  Had I known I'd only have you to hold for 5 months, I might have held onto you longer during that week.  But for now, I find rest in knowing you are safe in our Savior's arms.

All My Love, Forever & Always,
Aunt Cristyn