"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."
~ Ephesians 3:20-21
Have I told you that I'm a big dreamer? I feel that it's a consistent theme throughout my postings, but if you're new to reading my blog, then you wouldn't necessarily know that yet. I am, I love to dream. I dream of my future, I dream of what my career will turn into over time, I dream of being a wife and a mom. I wonder sometimes what it'll be like when I meet Jesus, what he'll say, what he'll look like. Unfortunately my dreams lately have been a bit road blocked. I've allowed myself to get caught up in the busyness of life and I fail to slow down long enough to do that in which I love...dream. For some this may seem like a waste of time, building up something in one's mind that may not necessarily come true. But you see, I have a big God... I mean A BIG GOD! And He longs to see the deepest desires of my heart fulfilled. Does it all match with His will for my life? Not always, but I've seen over time that when it doesn't there is so much relief in knowing that His ways are higher, His plan is better than any I could ever create in my wildest dreams. God has blessed my dreaming heart more than I ever thought was possible.
The thing with dreaming though, is remembering to keep an open heart and an open hand. That not every dream I dream will come to pass, and some will not come in the way that I thought or imagined. Back in January of this year I had become discouraged and thought that I could control things and make things happen my own way, but what I found was a very broken heart and the realization that I was not trusting God with the deepest dream I think I've ever had. So in early February I humbled myself, I went before God and friends closest to me. I went before them broken and beautiful, revealing a long kept secret sin and as a result, God has revealed more truth and love than I could ever imagine possible. It was in those early days of February that I truly laid down my deepest desire and dreams. I chose to fully trust Him with a place in my heart that I for so long refused God to have control of. Then early May came, my heart was healing, trusting and ready to take a leap of faith. I knew that as I took this leap of faith I couldn't do it by my own will/power, but rather it had to be different. If I am going to continue to dream, I'm going to continue to do so with the blessing of the Lord. I am going to do so with an open heart and an open hand that He may change my dreams, or bring them to life more vividly than I could ever hope or imagine. What I've seen is words come to life that only God has heard me cry out. The longings of my heart so deep down that I kept it only between me and God is slowly coming to life. Do I still get scared sometimes that the enemy is trying to trick me? Yes, I do, but in those moments I remember to take it to the Lord daily. To trust what He says is true and I'm gently reminded that fear is not from Him. I chose to believe what I hoped for at the end of 2012. I believe that 2013 is a year that will sweep me off my feet and take me by complete surprise. Nearly 6 1/2 months in I'd be lying if I said it hasn't.
God is good, so much better than I think I've ever realized years prior to this year. I don't know what God is up to, I don't know why so many times I believe that my way is better than His. For it is when I fully trust Him and follow Him that I realize how powerful His love is for me. Thank God for a dreaming heart! Thank God that He does not allow me to fall into the cynicism of this world, that He's taken a broken/cold heart like mine and turned it into something loving, encouraged, and hopeful.
"For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline." ~ 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)