I did it, at least I think I did. I finally got the energy to cross the line, the line that leads me further into my future. It's hard knowing that the pain I left behind had a mix of fun and happy memories as well. It's hard knowing that holding onto the pain was harder than taking the steps I needed to move ahead. It was a bit of a shock to wake up January 1, 2009 to the realization that 2008 hadn't been just a dream, but rather a reality. It was a bit disappointing to know that the memories and thoughts I had hoped would disappear while I slept didn't diminish completely. But then I guess it is part of the process, to walk it out, so that I don't repeat the mistakes of the past.
So with all that is within me I cross the line into what I hope is a spectacular and blessed 2009. I walk into it knowing that there are still bits of fear and pain hanging on, but also trusting that they won't hang around forever. I have walked through my worst nightmare, now I have to trust that it won't be repeated. For I know the Lord has a plan, a plan for me, a hope and a future beyond way more than I could ever hope or imagine. I trust that the fear within me is not from the Lord, and will not hang around long. I know that the Lord did not give me a spirit of fear, but rather one of power and of love.