Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Capacity to Love

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"
~ Matthew 27:46

Some days she wonders why, what's the point?  How is it that to love with such a big love could bring so much pain?  Is it the calm before the storm, are the winds about to change?  If so then why does it hurt to breathe sometimes?  How could a fear so big sneak up so quickly and how could at the drop of a hat a wall go up so big and so strong that not even faith and hope could knock it down?  How is it that the ones who claim to love only walk away like nothing ever happened? Where and when does the healing come in?  Does it come with the beginning of a new day, a new month, a new year, a new season of life?  Does it come with taking a chance, a risk that seems to make no sense whatsoever but appears to be the last ounce of hope? 

When can she begin to open her heart again?  To begin to feel again, to love, to laugh, to not hurt so deeply?  Where do you begin to fix what seems to be permanently cracked?  How do you carry on when all your holding onto is a piece of thread?  How do you begin to fulfill that capacity to love again?

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