Friday, January 29, 2010

Layers of Healing

This week has been a bad week, to say the least. It started off with work being crazy, understaffed, and overwhelming... not a good thing for this structured, crazy busy grad student. Wednesday made it worse with the result of a 'C' on a midterm that in all honesty I could not stay awake to push through and study for. On top of that Thursdays are what I refer to as "my day" as that is when I get to spend time with an amazing group of women and be honest with where I am with life and experience healing at a whole new level, well, not this week. With the overwhelming need to spruce up a research paper, do laundry, and straighten up my home a bit I chose to stay home. I also missed a fun outing with my team from Ecuador because I should have been going to Celebrate Recovery, but instead at the last minute stayed home to take care of some personal duties (sorry Guineas). I'm sure this far in to my blog you're thinking, "what is her point?" I have one, I truly do...

What do you do with a bad week? Do you throw in the towel, give up, lock yourself away, and close out those around you? Sometimes I do, sometimes it is so overwhelming that all I can do to get myself together is be alone. This week brought an amazing realization though. The realization that as we go through a time of change or healing it's not a quick fix, but rather there are layers. I feel like I've said this before, but just go with it like I haven't. In between the crap of this week I did get to talk to my sister (she's my best friend and one of the most amazing people I know). We got to talk about my niece and nephew (Nathan, by the way is hitting some major milestones). On another call she was telling me about Steven Curtis Chapman's newest CD "Beauty Will Rise."

An amazing album, oh my gosh, if you have not heard it you need to. If you know of anyone (or you yourself) have faced any times in the valley recently you will find healing and ministry in this album. When Cheryl called me about it I was at work so I didn't have much time to talk, but as soon as I got home that night I ran to my computer to purchase it off iTunes. I think I spent all of Wednesday night (after the revelation of my horrible test grade) crying as I listened to this CD. I listened to it all day Thursday and am listening to it now... I can't get enough of it. To give you a quick background (in case you don't know) Steven Curtis Chapman's youngest daughter, Maria, was hit by a car and killed on May 21, 2008. Over the last year and a half he has spent time in studio recording songs that he wrote through the grieving process. I've followed the Chapman family on their blogs pretty closely as thier tragedy came only 2 months after the death of my sweet nephew, Billy. It has been amazing to watch their honesty come out as they express the emotions they have endured through this time. His wife, Mary Beth, has expressed things that I only wish I could find the words for.

There is so much truth and revelation in the words SCC sings. I realize many people may find his music a little "cheesy" but after what his family went through (and what other families have faced as well) you can't help but find hope in listening to the words God has given him to sing. Here are just a few snip-its from some of the songs...

"I am broken, I am bleeding, I'm scared and I'm confused, but You are faithful. Yes You are faithful... I am weary, unbelieving, God please help my unbelief!" ~ Faithful

"Heaven is a sweet, maple syrup kiss and a thousand other little things I miss with her gone. Heaven is the face where she takes my hand and leads me to You, and we both run into Your arms." ~ Heaven is the Face

"Is that you I hear, laughing loud and calling out to me? Saying, "See, it's everything you said it would be, and even better than you would believe. And I'm counting down the days until you're here with me, and finally, you'll see." ~ See

"Spring is coming, Spring is coming
(Out of these ashes, beauty will rise)
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
(Sorrow will be turned to joy)
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
(All we hoped for soon will appear)
It won't be long now, it's just about here
(Out of the dark clouds, beauty will shine)"
~ Spring is Coming

My heart aches and longs for the day I will be reunited with Billy, the day when he will come running and introduce me to God... I know it will be more amazing than I could ever imagine. Until then, I wait, and I fulfill all that God has asked of me here on earth.

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