Over these last few days of preparing for my big departmental exam the song laid upon my heart has been Watermark's "Holy Roar" sung by Christy Nockels. It is a moving and passionate worship song all about the pursuit of God. It exemplifies exactly what this journey has been for me... a pursuit after God and the passion He has placed upon my heart for so many years. I found it a little poetic when I noticed for the first time the other night that this song is on an album entitled, "The Road to One Day." In past blogs when I've spoken of this dream I've dated it back to 2005 when I first applied to graduate school, however when mediating upon it all last night I really felt that God placed this calling on my life at the age of 14. That was 14 years ago!! This has been a dream that has taken ups, downs, twists, turns and unexpectancies. Just goes to show God doesn't give up on us, but is patient and kind for as long as it takes for us to realize what He already knows. At 14 I was diagnosed with depression and anorexia, I spent the better part of my high school and college years trying to figure out why I was the way I was and why I made the choices I made. I still don't have a definitive answer, but I have a peace that surpasses all and any understanding. For I am a child of God and nothing less. I am a miracle, a blessing, and a treasure. What I do believe is that maybe it was all a part of the plan to get me where I am now... pursuing a masters degree in counseling so I in turn can help kids who struggle with their identity and the false beliefs they have that lead to mechanisms to suppress all of it.
And me graduating and obtaining my masters is by no means the end of a dream. I've thought over the last few weeks, "what's next? What will I pursue when this dream is done?" The thing of it is, this is just opening a door to so much more. I'll be given the responsibility of counseling future generations and my hope is that it will help turn the tides in what we foresee our kids, grandkids being born into. This is a fallen world, that I know. I also know that I can't "fix" or "save" anyone, but if I can help change the way they think, the way they see things then let's get movin'!! I pray that my heart will not die in this area, and that should it ever become hardened or separated from this pursuit then I need to find a new occupation. I'm tired of living in my own little world pretending that everything is "normal." What is normal anyway? I'm ready to cause a Holy Roar and walk through the open door God has been preparing for me for the last 14 years. It's way past time to step into my calling and walk in obedience to the Lord.
What's God calling you to? What is your "Holy Roar?"
"Rivers of renewal, the spirit whisper a revival
And He sends us rushing, Lord, send us rushing
Open hearts with hopes of unity, we're servants to love in lost
Lord, send us reaching, yeah
Oh can you hear it? It's the song of the redeemed
The pursuit of passion for the one who set us free
Oh can you hear it? We're crying out for more
And listen to our song, it's turning into a holy roar, a holy roar, yeah
And we come rejoicing and singing and crying out to You, Lord
Can you hear the holy roar?"
~ Holy Roar, Christy Nockels, The Road to One Day