Monday, November 8, 2010

Happy Birthday Billy (11-1-07)

My Sweet Billy Bug,

Happy Birthday buddy!  You are 3 now and I can only imagine what you would be doing if you were here on earth with us.  Although my heart misses you so very much, I am gently reminded that with each year and birthday that passes you have the joy of spending those special days with our Father in Heaven.  Your sister asked me a few months ago who makes birthday cakes in Heaven, she misses you too.  This year your Mama had another baby boy, Jared Wesley.  He grasps my wrist when I hold him just as you used to do and your little brother, Nathan.  What a sweet reminder that you will forever live in our hearts.   I imagine you running and laughing and enjoying wrestling with the Lord.  Thank you for making my 26th birthday so memorable, what a joy it was to hold you, nap with you, and watch as your sister loved helping take care of you.

As I've prayed through this season God has gently laid on my heart the worship song "How He Loves Us."  It has brought so much healing to my heart in those moments where I miss you the most.  I see how the Lord loves us and has loved us through this season of grief.  As I get ready to graduate with my masters degree in counseling you have not been far from my mind.  I remember your sweet face and the short 5 months we had with you on days when I am tired and not sure I am doing well with my patients. Your face is what has pushed me through many times in the last 2 1/2 years.  I long to help other families that have lost a baby either to SIDS or by some other unexpected way.  You've left a huge legacy here for someone so small.  I thank God everyday that you are resting in His arms, even if what I would love is to hold you myself and watch you grow up here on earth.  We may not understand the why, but we have enough faith and trust that God has got it all under control and will never leave us.

I love you and until I see you again I send you big hugs and kisses from earth.

Aunt Cristyn

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