"If I'm down don't count me out; I'll slowly get back on my feet; stumblin' and fumblin', but I keep on coming; just as long as you're not giving up on me"*
"Oh, the only thing that matters is to love; This is the only lasting treasure; Love endures all things, and believes all things; and hopes all things; love never ends, love never ends"*
"We knew joy was coming, we just had to wait"*
"Won't you be my voice calling; won't you be my hands healing; won't you be my feet walking into a broken world; won't you be my chain-breaker; won't you be my peacemaker; won't you be my hope and joy; won't be my love"*
The above are all songs that I've heard over and over again in the last week. They couldn't have come at a more perfect time. The reason is irrelevant, but what I will say is that God has been trying to get my attention as he constantly is... but for whatever reason I've finally answered his knock with absolute abandon over the last two weeks. My eyes had been fixated on the things of this world and that which I truly believed would make me happy and what I convinced myself was in my best interest. That which I believed without a shadow of a doubt that was God's will. The truth of it all is that what He is asking of me is to allow grace to flow, that when I stumble and fall I would get back up again and keep running after Him. To love with abandon and without reservation. To trust Him, even in the dark, lonely, and/or sad times... joy is coming in the morning. And most importantly He's asking me to be His shepherd, that I would help guide those lost and lonely back to Him.
My heart breaks at the thought of who I've become sometimes. The love I fail to show, the grace and mercy I fail to give, the anger and frustration that can so easily entangle me and hold me captive. Deep in my heart I long to run after God, to dive in blindly and trust that even if life "feels" hard or things don't make sense, it all will in the end. I gotta believe that at the end of the day God wants me to rest fully in Him and leave all the details in His hands. To embrace my "shattered dreams" so that the ultimate dream that He is calling me to can be fulfilled. I hurt right now, deep down the questions I have about my life, the direction I'm going, the unanswered prayers, the false hope, the lies I've believed, the false idols I've placed my trust in... it is all killing me inside. But alas, there is a tiny little light, a small flicker of hope where God rests and is pushing through the pain to ignite a raging fire throughout my whole being. With that I gotta believe what He says... love endures all things, believes all things, hopes all things... love NEVER ends... HIS love never ends.
"I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. What you have done is wonderful. I know this very well." ~ Psalm 139:14
"You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back." ~ Isaiah 38:16-17
*Back to You, MercyMe
*All That's Left, Steven Curtis Chapman
*Sing Hallelujah, Steven Curtis Chapman
*Won't You be my Love, MercyMe