Sunday, July 15, 2012

What Happens with a Broken Heart...

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." 
~ Matthew 11:28

Several weeks ago I had a conversation with a couple of girlfriends.  One of them is married and made the comment that she wish she had heeded the advice of an older woman in her life about not giving her heart away so much.  That when you give your heart away it's less that you are able to give to your husband one day.  My friends continued on this topic for a little while longer and I just sat there pondering that comment (much like I do when pondering seems necessary).  I never said anything, but I can't say I agree with it.  I'm also not here to advise going out and just freely giving your heart away.  The couple of times I have laid my heart out on the line, only to have it returned in many pieces I find that over time it is healed and became stronger and lovelier than ever before.  Because of the chances I've taken, the vulnerability I've shown I can say I feel more equipped and ready to love my future husband as God calls me to and is currently training me to do.  And there's is absolutely NOTHING I did to heal my broken heart, at least not on my own.  All I did was humbly and faithfully take it to God and ask him, in HIS timing to heal it, to make it whole once again.  It was after the last time it was broken that I realized the common thread.  That all the times it was broken were the times that I allowed an earthly man to seep into the areas of my heart that belonged to Christ.  I found myself seeking approval from man and affirmation rather than trusting in God and who He says that I am.  I promised myself that I would never do it again... I hope I can keep that promise.  

I know God loves me, there's not a question in mind about that.  But I also know how saddened He becomes every time I have to climb into His lap with my heart in hand, all tattered and torn.  Sometimes it has to stay in His healing hands for months at a time.  And it's not just through broken romantic relationships, but He's held it through broken friendships, death of a loved one, death of a dream(s), disappointment, unmet expectations, etc.   I know that God loves when I come to Him, but I also know He loves it more when it happens all the time, not just in the broken times.  I'm in a new season.  One where I'm learning so much more than I think I ever have before about myself.  At any given moment you might find me hysterically happy or hysterically sad.  On some occasions I admit that I get mad (yes, I said it... mad).  But I don't care, because I know I'm being honest and it's through a healed heart, albeit covered with scars, but healed nonetheless,  that I'm walking out who Christ says I am and who He longs to see living a life that honors and glorifies Him.  

I don't know what the next step is or where the next season will take me, or even how many more broken hearts I'll endure here on earth, but I have no doubt of who will be with me every step of the way.  Ready and willing to heal my broken heart, if necessary.

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