"Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." ~ Psalm 51:10-12
I just got off the phone with one of the most amazing women I know, she has only recently come into my life and I couldn't be more blessed by the wisdom God pours into her to share with me. Tonight I was sharing with her some aspects of my life where I'm really discouraged right now and other areas that have totally thrown me off focus. The question that kept coming up was, "can you trust God in this season of life, can He be enough for you when you are desiring other things that are not yet fulfilled?" Ouch, it hit right to my core, straight to the soul. She also asked me if there was one area of my life where I had no doubt in my mind that I was walking out God's purpose for my life. I told her of one, but in all honesty I can think of two. The first and most recent is that of pursuing my graduate studies in counseling. There is such an amazing testimony in how God has really placed His hand on my life as I travel this path. I don't intend to keep it a secret forever, but it is definitely being saved up for a graduation speech ; ) Assuming there is a speech of course. The other is the path it took me to recover from my eating disorder so many years (9 years in January to be exact) ago. When it finally hit me that I was not living the life God had purposed for me I had no questions about my recovery and the steps required to get there (and stay there).
To answer my friend's question, "yes, I can trust Him.... at least in the areas I have no question about His intended purpose." The real question I have to ask myself now is "can I trust Him with the areas where I have yet to see His purpose fulfilled or the desires of my heart answered? Can God be enough while I wait?" Before I was able to share with my sweet friend I shared with someone else via text that I felt confirmation that I had yet to find peace in a certain area of my life. My conversation tonight confirmed that clearly I'm not finding God to be enough, I'm not allowing Him to be enough. I still struggle to find control when things don't go exactly as I would hope or plan, now it is time to lay it down (past time actually) and let God be enough in every area of my life. I trust that He'll be enough to provide the finances I need when I start an internship that pays nothing, I trust that He'll open doors that are more than I could ever imagine when pursuing different options for my internship, and I trust that despite my unbelief sometimes He is going to use me to speak to the world, to share that which He has done and continues to do in me.
My question to you dear friends on this Tuesday night is this... "Is God enough?" is He enough for you when your husband/wife does not meet your expectations, when your children do not obey or are not following the Lord, is God enough when you have no idea how the bills are going to get paid in the state of our economy? Is He enough when it seems the whole world has let you down? What will it take for you to say, "Lord, you are more than enough..."
"PEACE. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." ~ unknown