Sunday, October 11, 2009

Once Upon A Time... Where I Stood

"There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening"

Some say "time heals all wounds" others say "time is your best friend," personally I just combine the two. I've given my heart time to heal and feel like I'm being really good with patience in some areas of my life, but then there are these little things that keep popping up that make me go "whatcha talkin' 'bout Willis?" Of course I'm really talking to God so it's more like "Dude, what the heck? Seriously?!? I thought my past was supposed to just go away after some time." I guess when you don't really deal with it and just wish it all away it finds it's creepy crawly way back into your present day life. So now I've decided that no matter how long it takes, I'm not going to brush it under the rug, but rather process through it. I realize I'm kind of vague in my details here, but please recognize it is to protect the innocent. I've chosen to be angry for a long time about a certain situation (actually a couple situations) and I am the only one that can carry that burden, at least until I actively choose to hand it over to God and move on.

I wrote before of how I find life through song lyrics and this blog is no different. I found a song this weekend that speaks true to the battle within my heart over the last several months. I've finally come to a point in my life where I realize for me to walk in the fullness that God has for me I have to be willing to let go of the past... past hurts, past heart breaks, past lies, past sins, overall my past lifestyle. It's hard to find a way to let go of what you once held so dear and even loved once upon a time, but now, well now I stand in a completely different place and there is someone else (or will someday be) standing where I once thought I'd be forever. I in turn look forward to my someday and I thank the person who is or most recently was standing in the place that I will one day be. I'm in a season where I'm finding who I am and learning to trust myself. I do have someone to thank for that (actually a couple someone's) and it is my heart's desire that one day I'll be able to let go of the hurt and fully open my heart in absolute gratefulness. It's a choice everyday to be grateful, to be happy, and to walk in the path laid out before me. I hope that with this writing I will begin a change that one day I will look back on as a significant point in my life...

"'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she will love you more than I could
She who dares to stand where I stood

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I have to do"

~ Where I Stood, Missy Higgins

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