free - not physically restrained, obstructed, or fixed; unimpeded
Too many things I can't do too well,
afraid I'll try real hard, and I'll fail--
This is how it's been.
Till the day You pounded on my heart's door,
And You shouted joyfully,
"You're not a slave anymore!"
"You're free to dance-
Forget about your two left feet
And you're free to sing-even joyful noise is music to Me
You're free to love,
'Cause I've given you My love,
and it's made you free*
It's funny how God does things, how He seems to work everything out. It's really no surprise to me (looking back) that Ginny Owens would perform with the worship team at Watermark Community Church this past weekend. Not only that, but service started with her performing "Free." How fitting for this season. About three months ago a good friend of mine showed me a popular YouTube video of a whale being cut free from a fishermen's net. In showing me the video she was implying that I had been set free, free to be me, free to find the one God has for me to share my life with. In the early stages of grief I adamantly argued with her, telling her that I didn't feel as though I had been captured or restrained like the whale had been. I think that maybe in that moment I just didn't get what God was trying to explain to me through my friend. Now it's all starting to make a little more sense. You see, I wasn't restrained, not by anyone else anyway. I was restrained by my own false belief and self-hatred. I had fixated myself on how things should be or should've been that I was completely missing God's gentleness and love towards me.
Now here we are a few days into a new season and I laugh because I realize all the arguing I did with God over the last few months has led me into this very sweet season of redemption and hopefully finding ultimate freedom in Him. I've found myself in this predicament before, when will I ever learn, I don't know. But I thank God He is patient and kind and loving and merciful (just to name a few characteristics). There's been a strange peace that has fallen over me the last few days, one that I can't really put words to, but I won't make excuses or downplay my joy. I find myself dancing again, singing again, and remembering the very things that make me uniquely ME! All I can say is that He is with me and I with Him... even in what seems to be the darkest times. He hasn't forgotten me, He hasn't abandoned me. I look forward to what this season has in store, I have a feeling it is going to be something quite unexpected and amazing!
Free from worry, free from envy and denial
Free to live, free to give, free to smile*
*Free by Ginny Owens