It's funny. I'm not sure what to say... just that I felt a strong desire to write tonight. You see it's my last night of my twenties and I just might be one of the few women in the world that is beyond thrilled to be turning 30. It's not that things were terrible or horrendous in my twenties, it was life and God graciously helped me through it. It's more like I finally seem to get it a little more... the game of life that is. Will I ever understand it all? Of course not, but when God gives me words like that from Jeremiah 29:11, "'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" How could I doubt that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be?
We all have a story... multiple stories to be exact that make up our life here on earth and my first 30 years are full of them. The good, the bad, the ugly... every single moment plays a part in the path and the direction God set out before me long before I even took a breath. How amazing is that? Sometimes I lay awake in bed pondering that. It sounds strange, but to think that He who created me, He who breathed life into me knew long before I ever did all the times I'd say "yes" or "no" or which direction I would go with my season(s) of life. Praise God! It may feel like a mistake sometimes, the choices I make, but I thank God He is gracious and loving, slow to anger, and compassionate that He is there to get me back on track.
Over the last few weeks I've been able to look back on the last decade and see how the choices I made seemed to put my life on hold. How so many times in my twenties I was constantly waiting for something. I focused so much on the future that God only knows what I missed in the present. My hope going into my 30s is that I'll be able to be in the here and now and yet excited about the unknown of the future... not fearful. And also that I wouldn't be so hard on myself about the past, for the past helped get me to where I am today. It is because of my past that God is going to use me to minister to the lives of others. At least I hope so. But maybe all my past will be used for is a way to be a better listener to my nieces and nephews and God willing... my own children someday.
As I prepare to say good-bye to one decade and hello to another I take great comfort in Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."