Thursday, April 19, 2012

Stop This Train... I Wanna Get Off!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." ~ Proverbs 3:5-6

It is 19 days into my Make Me Over month and it has not been as I expected... imagine that ;)  It actually started off with a couple of punches to the heart, but as the days have gone on, as the processing continues I find that I'm much stronger than I give myself credit for and I've been pleasantly surprised by the twists and turns that have occurred with "going with the flow."  In fact, my deactivation of Facebook as part of this deal in April has been such a relief that I'm considering carrying that over into May.  We'll see, I'll have a better idea when I get back from Germany on the 6th :)

That's my quick little update for you on how it's going, in case you were wondering.  But the reason for this blog entry is simply the power behind music.  Random, I know, but welcome to my world.  I'm a huge music person, and it's not so much about the music as it is words of the music.  For instance, here are a few song lyrics that have been on repeat in my head over the last 2 1/2 weeks.

"But you went away, how dare you, I miss you.  They say I'll be okay, but I'm not going to, ever get over you." ~ Miranda Lambert, Over You

"He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate, don't stop this train.  Don't for a minute change the place you're in.  Don't think I couldn't ever understand, I tried my hand." ~ John Mayer, Stop this Train

"Like no one would even notice, if you left this town, and never looked back.  You walk outside and all you see is rain, you look inside and all you feel is pain.  You don't know it yet, but down the road the sun is shining, In every cloud there's a silver lining.  Just keep holding on.  And every heartache makes you stronger, but it won't be much longer.  You'll find love, you'll find peace, and the you you're meant to be. I know right now that's not the way you feel, but one day you will."  ~ Someday You Will, Lady Antebellum

Take what you will from what you read, but I think you'd be surprised the work these songs have done on my heart.  In spite of the fact they are all secular songs.  That last one was inspired by an unexpected conversation I had with an old and dear friend this past weekend.  In trying to explain the recent happenings in life, it became very clear that we don't always understand in the moment why things happen and on some occasions we never understand... we just endure and move on.  And unfortunately in the search for answers all we find sometimes are more questions.

I'm loving this season of separation, of revelation, of falling in love, and everything in between.  Which I guess contradicts my title, eh?  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't frustrated, scared, confused, and a little heartbroken over this season, but it has been in the midst of all that I've found a deeper calling, a deeper reason for why I'm here.  In fact it has nothing to do with me, and the further I get into this season, the further I get from my selfish self :)  I don't know what God is up to in this season, but I'm sure glad He brought me here... Praise God for the desert!

"'You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity.  I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,' declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.'"  ~ Jeremiah 29:13-14

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