Friday, December 11, 2009

Just a Fool?

"You're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world.*"

Most times when I write I can close my eyes and see what is written on my heart being transferred to paper... tonight is no different, but it comes with a heavy heart. You see there has been this battle of the mindsets lately and after a long week and a long day I looked in the mirror and what I heard was "Look what you built...I'm proud of you." Words from my Heavenly Father and at a time when I was not looking for reassurance or affirmation, just looking to lay my head down for a good night's rest.

I guess what prompted all this is not just the battle between the lies I hear and the truth I know deep down inside, but the physicality of actually piecing something together tonight. I spent my evening putting together what seemed like a billion pieces of wood with a billion nuts and bolts in what has turned out to be a beautiful dining table and chairs.

But it wasn't just about what I could build with my hands, but the things in my life God has taken and together we've built a story of victory and an ability to overcome. Sometimes I forget that, and then I see the reminders all around me and when I'm finally still I allow God to minister to me, to show me the love, encouragement, and affirmation that I so long for and that only He could give. These moments have been few and far between lately and I guess that's what gets me to the title of my blog here. Sometimes I feel like such a fool and daily I feel as though I've done foolish things... but God is teaching me I'm human and I'm bound to make mistakes... it's okay. It's what I learn from those mistakes that matters the most, can I walk it out free of pride and allowing God to change me.... I hope so. God told me He's going to use me to change the world, now it's up to me to utilize the tools He's given me (much like the tools I used to build the dining set) to fulfill the promise He has laid out before me. Do I feel the fool right now? Yes, but I'd play the fool for God any day if it means it will draw me that much closer to Heaven and to Him.

"Don't listen to them when they say
You're just a fool just a fool
to believe you can change the world.
Oh the smallest thing can make all the difference
Love is alive
Don't listen to 'em when they say
You're just a fool just a fool
to believe you can change the world.*"

* Carrie Underwood, Change, 2009

1 comment:

Cozby said...

Love this!
I love your realness!