Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Thankful for What Wasn't

Today's my mom's birthday... she is wonderful and delightful and beautiful and truly the best Mother! I wasn't expecting to feel inspired to write tonight, and truly I should be studying but for a few moments I have to share what God spoke to my heart on the way home from dinner with her and some other family members.

I take you back with me to a period of time over eleven years ago. It was the Fall of 1998 and I was a junior in high school. Seems like forever ago, but remebering this period tonight reminded me of how much God has done and is doing in my life. I've truly seen my life transformed so that I am a new creation. You see, in the Fall of 1998 I hit a very low period in life, so low that I felt the only way out was suicide. Now I've been known to be pretty open and raw with my blogs here and although I debated sharing this with the world, I realized that if I truly want to be a public speaker at some point, I have to be comfortable with the path my life has taken. So here I am sharing the fact that I'm grateful I didn't have the strength to follow through... to cut deeper than I actually did.

Because if I did this is what I would have missed out on...

Fun times in NYC with Friends!

Silliness high upon a mountain top with the best sister EVER!

Meeting and sharing life with one of the most gracious & beautiful women I know!

Becoming Aunt to 3 older and wonderful children who've only known me for 4 years!

Silliness in a town I've never known with a girl that brightens my life everytime I talk to her!

Adventures in a country I've never known with a pack of Guineas I've come to love!

Pajama parties with 2 crazy & wild, yet so loveable monkies!

Dinner dates with 2 precious (and sometimes serious) Darnell dumplins'!

And moments to stop, be still, and enjoy what time you have before it's gone!

There is so much more than just these pictures! I think as life goes on it truly gets better! I have so many loving memories with my family and all the times we've laughed together and built stronger bonds. I couldn't walk this road without them! If I had given up over eleven years ago I never would have known what it was like to fall in love and then discover the strength that would come as I worked through a broken heart. I truly am a grateful girl and although there is plenty I'd change if given the chance, I've learned not to dwell, that it's all in God's hands. I've learned so much in the last 2 years than I think I ever did the 26 years prior to that. I guess that even in our deepest pit of despair the Lord knows what we need and He knows how to turn it all around so that one day we can put the pieces together and discover it was just that which got us where we needed to be.

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