"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore." ~ Psalm 121
This is the verse that keeps pushing me through my training for a half marathon a mere 6 weeks away. I've been training since mid-August and my excitement and passion for this has only grown during this time. I have been lucky enough to partner with Team in Training to prepare for this challenge. While I prepare to run 13.1 miles, I also have the opportunity to raise money for a great cause, the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society (LLS). What sparked my interest to start training wasn't what LLS does through Team in Training, in fact I had no idea they even existed until after I decided to run the half marathon. What sparked my interest was out of pure selfishness and a deep desire to press on and push through an unexpected loss in my life. It wasn't by death, but rather by reality not meeting expectations or rather a hope and a dream.
I've watched from the sidelines as the enemy has come in to steal, kill, and destroy the areas of my life that made me so uniquely designed. I've allowed the Devil to steal my confidence, kill my dreams, and destroy my hopes. And all it took was the closing of a door... literally. And that was over two months ago!
But then something cool happened yesterday, however the details will remain undisclosed because if I told you then you'd think I'm absolutely crazy! Plus I believe that there are "ah-ha" moments from God in which that is where they stay... strictly between you and God. Besides, it's really irrelevant except that I truly believe it was a moment in which not having to know or understand something finally made sense. When I went for my 6 mile speed training run this morning "Praise You in the Storm" came up on my playlist and my eyes were focused, my head was in the zone (despite my legs feeling like rubber), and it hit me... the reality that's been missing is just being. The just being okay with not having it all together, the just being that even a counselor needs a counselor sometimes, the just being in the midst of change and having no idea how to navigate through it. The just being of in the now and not having some perfect little cookie cutter future mapped out. Do I have hopes and dreams of what I'd like my future to look like? Why yes, of course... but I'm learning that it might take several more puzzle pieces to see that come together... if at all. For all I know my future looks very different and the path to getting there is much more detailed with God at the driver's seat. The key is letting HIM take the wheel (insert Carrie Underwood song here).
I'm grateful for what got me here... it's a bittersweet reality. But I'm starting to see through the fog, I'm starting to see what I couldn't see 3 months ago. I'm realizing that because someone took a chance on me, I took a chance on change. I'll fight it, don't get me wrong... I'll fight change till I'm blue in the face and on my knees pleading through the tears for things to go back the way they were. But I know that's not what God wants and that is not what I want either. I want things to be smooth, easy, and understandable... but that's not what He intended and so I trust that His plans are greater than mine and when all is said and done I will look back at my silly 'ol plans and just laugh.
Click here to watch Casting Crowns perform "Praise You in the Storm": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg
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