I've been listening to Rascal Flatts' newest single endlessly in the last week or so. It is a sad song and I'm not sure what continues to draw me to it... until this morning. I heard it again on my way to work this morning and the chorus struck a chord in me.
"Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
the first of every tear I'm gonna cry
Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishin things had never changed and she [he]
was right here in my arms tonight
Here comes goodbye"
~ Rascal Flatts "Here Comes Goodbye" 2009
All of a sudden it hit me why this song ran so deep in me. The first few times I heard it the picture I imagined with the words was the scene of a break-up between a couple. But then I thought, what if instead of "here comes goodbye" it actually means "here comes hello." I know this point of view may seem heartless and cold, but stay with me here.
When I heard this song this morning I started to reverse the words & started to think about what if in the times we say "goodbye" we are actually saying "hello" to something else. For instance, when a father gives his daughter to the man she is to marry at her wedding. The daughter is thereby saying goodbye to her father, and hello to the man who will guide her and protect all the rest of her life.
I guess for me I suddenly realized that with all the goodbyes that I had to say in 2008 I may have actually been saying hello to a completely new life, a new me (or rather the old me I haven't been in several years), and a new outlook. My hardest goodbye came with the death of my 5-month-old nephew, Billy nearly a year ago. In the last few weeks/months I've been trying new things, most of the time not thinking twice about whether or not I "could" do or if I would even like it... the thing is I tried. And that little boy pushes me beyond more than I could ever imagine.
Tonight for instance I was rock climbing and so frustrated with myself on a certain course & continuously telling myself that I "couldn't" do it. Until I hit my breaking point and then I closed my eyes and all I could see was Billy's sweet smile in my minds eye. I was reminded that although he is up in Heaven living the greatest life any of us could ever imagine, there are still the experiences we have here that he will not get to participate in. I realize that he was too young to try rock climbing (learning to walk first always helps), but it was the symbolization behind it all. I see that boy's face in pictures and videos and I praise God that he never knew fear or pain or suffering as we do. So, I take chances, I explore new things and the old things I loved before but haven't embarked on in a while. I take on challenges and I learn to stand for what I believe in and who I am. I fight against the fear that keeps me held back and I remember that I already survived my greatest fear... and that was losing Billy (or any of my nieces or nephews for that matter).
I encourage you, take a chance... find the things that you never knew you would love, write down your experiences... after all what you find could be absolutely amazing.
Before writing this post, I did a little online research and found the music video for the song mentioned at the beginning. The video actually has nothing to do with a break-up, but rather having to say goodbye to a loved one. The women in the video is saying goodbye to her father who died, and buried next to him is her son who passed away beforehand. The father (grandfather) asks the little boy what it's like... his response... "there are no more goodbyes."