Sunday, March 8, 2009

A Little Female Perspective

Dear Readers,

I'm really going out on a limb tonight as I'm usually not the one to give relationship advice or share from a female perspective.  I'm not one for controversy so usually I hide away or change the subject altogether.  However, as I was sharing with a guy friend of mine the other night it got me to thinking that maybe just maybe it would help if I shared with the male species what exactly is going on in the female species mind after a break-up.  Bear with me here as I have a feeling this might bring a flood of comments.

I'm not sure where to begin other than to share the context of my conversation with my friend (we'll call him Freddie so as to protect the innocent).  We were hanging out the other night and I asked Freddie if it was weird after he and his girlfriend of over a year broke up and she cut off all communication (i.e. asked him not to contact her and expressed that she did not want to be friends).  He said "yes" and so I then asked if he thought that my former boyfriend thought I was weird when I did the same thing... and again he responded with "yes."  Man did that cut deep into my heart.  I never want anyone to think I'm weird (although I totally am, but that's for another blog) or to hurt anyone by protecting myself (which is what I'm getting to).  So I've been thinking about it a lot as the week has progressed and I realized that males and females just see things differently (no I did not just figure that out), process things differently, and most definitely protect ourselves differently.

So here is my point with all this...

A.  If a girl (or guy) stops responding to you, put yourself in their shoes.  Whether they were the breaker or breakee (in the relationship) give them some space, understand that all your conversations after having dated will be different.  Chances are he or she may not be able to deal with the pain after hanging up the phone each time the conversation ends with "well, I guess I'll talk to you later" instead of "I love you and I'll talk to you tomorrow."

B.  Don't ever tell someone you broke up with that you hope to see them around or talk to them soon unless you genuinely mean it.  It does not help the broken hearted as it actually comes across as "hope" for something that may not be resurrected.

C.  Recognize that if you have exchanged the "I love you" phrase and then take it back (as in "I don't love you anymore") it's probably going to take some time for the other person to learn to stop loving you.  Therefore, if they say they don't love you either or they can't express that to you right now (if there is talk of a second chance) they are probably lying to you to protect themselves and not look like a fool.

All this to say, give the other person some space.  If God resurrects the relationship as a friendship, recognize that it will not be the same and it won't be easy, especially if no friendship was established initially (i.e. you met and then started dating right away).  If He doesn't, then don't label them, they're not weird, they are completely normal just broken and confused and trying to work through their own emotions.  

Please recognize that I by no means apply this to every situation.  After all each situation is different and sometimes a friendship may work out just fine.  I share this to hopefully put a different perspective on it.  Please don't send me hate mail, I'm no expert, just a girl trying to figure it all out myself. 

Thanks for listening, I hope it helped.

~ C

1 comment:

Cozby said...

This is so good!
You are amazing! :)