Saturday, March 14, 2009

Ladies & Gentlemen, I Would Like to Introduce...

Ms. Independent

I single handedly assembled a desk this weekend.  Not just any desk, but one complete with 13 shelves... it looks great (not to brag or anything, but hey a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do). But wait, there's more... see, I not only assembled my desk and designed the placement of books, pictures, etc, but I also framed my story (that was featured in my hometown newspaper 4 years ago) as well as designed the decor that is above my bed.  I took cards that I bought months ago that have quotes on them, framed them and hung them strategically placed above my bed.  I was so proud to see what I had accomplished today, almost to the point of tears.  I guess it comes down the fact that I am a huge dreamer, I have so many big dreams that feeling like they may not be obtainable makes me reach and stretch that much more to achieve them.  However, almost a year ago I allowed some of those dreams to die, not in the sense of giving them to God but in the sense of allowing the enemy steal them... and others.  

Right now I look up from my newly assembled desk and on the left I see the story that helped me achieve what is on the right (my degree from SMU).  If you look down and to the right you see my growing collection of counseling textbooks which are guiding me towards my next big dream.  Sometimes I forget what I'm fighting for, what I'm working towards and what I'm dreaming about, but then I take a step back and I see all that God is doing even when I don't feel His presence.  I miss the days when I exuded His love, these days it takes everything I have in me to remember that He is right beside me, fighting for me, and dreaming all the way.  

I feel as though life stopped about this time last year, God picked me up to turn me in a completely different direction, however I'm not sure He has planted my feet back on the ground.  I see my feet moving, but I don't see me going anywhere... until recently.  I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming.  I'm proud that I'm learning to stand my ground, learning what I love, who I love, and the things that make me happy.  I'm proud that I'm finally after all these years of talking about emotions, learning to actually feel them and allow myself to.  I'm proud that I'm no longer limiting myself, but rather I'm allowing big dreams to grow inside me and trusting that God will prune me and guide me towards the direction I should go.  

So you see, I'm Ms. Independent which is right where I should be...

1 comment:

Life on The Rowland Ranch said...

I'm proud of the woman you're becoming too! You're awesome Cristyn!! (one of me and Matthew's favorites!) :) And...I want to see pix of that desk..wowee!!!..quite an accomplishment! Post on fb, please!!