Ah…the lesson I'm learning right now. This seems to be a very fundamental lesson, something our parents taught us when we were little and we found it difficult to make friends or relate to another group of people. The answer was always, "come as you are, just be yourself, the rest will come in time." And time, that is a whole other aspect in life I'm learning to grasp, truly understand and embrace. I was once told that time is my best friend, I used to think it was my greatest enemy, that time was just prolonging the inevitable and the things in my life that I desperately desired to see come to pass. But now, well now I truly thank God for time. For the time it has taken me to get where I am now, for the lessons I've learned because I slowed down and stopped rushing to get from point A to point B, or C, D, and E.
Learning to come as I am, to truly be myself, to be comfortable in my own skin, in my own life has taken a very long time to grasp. It has only been in the last few weeks that I have found myself wanting to be face down on the floor truly surrendering my heart to first love, to my Heavenly Father. I find myself rushing home sometimes because I know that I can sink into my comfy chair, kick up my feet, and just be in the presence of my Lord. I'm finding myself stopping my negative thoughts before they get even remotely close to the finish line. I talk to myself out loud so that I don't become overwhelmed over something as stupid as throwing macaroni and cheese onto my newly cleaned outfit. I've lived my whole life according to what others expected of me, not wanting to disappoint anyone…ever. Then I was faced with a big decision over the weekend, I had to choose what was best for me, physically, mentally, emotionally, and Spiritually. I praise God that I didn't have to search real long or real hard, I always knew the answer deep down inside, but He made it even more clear because I sought Him above all else. I will continue to do this in every aspect of my life, for as I draw near to Him, He will indeed draw near to me.
I encourage you to dump all your list of should's and should not's and run after God instead of chasing yourself in circles. Come as you are, everything else will fall into place just as it should at exactly the right time.
Original Post: February 2, 2008