Wednesday, August 27, 2008
A Season Such as This...
"Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end
Until I see you again"
~ Until I See You Again, Mark Schultz (Broken & Beautiful)
We are coming up on 5 months since my precious nephew, Billy passed away. I can't believe it, some days it seems like just yesterday and other days it seems like a lifetime ago. Today we rejoice in the fact that he is laughing, running, and playing in the arms of Jesus...and we also rejoice in the fact that God has blessed my sister and her husband with another addition to their family that will make his/her arrival in March of 2009...talk about divine appointment. : ) The grief doesn't seem so hard to bear anymore and in the last few weeks I'm starting to see all that God is teaching me through this and how he is using my precious nephew to open my eyes to understand an emotion, a word that I never realized I didn't fully understand...Love.
Life happens when we least expect it, at least that's what I'm learning. We think we are living, fully living...but I think now that in those times when what you least expect happens, well that's when you fully live. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, when I go to lay my head to sleep the last word that usually pops into my head these days is love. Did I love today, not just say it...but show it, I mean really show it. Love has so many connotations to it and I guess I feel as though I'm learning every angle of it.
I look back 5 months and think "how in the world did I get through that, how did I continue to go on...to stand" and I realize it wasn't even me. What kept me going was a number of things...mostly God's strength, but also I see the faces in my mind of all the friends that held me up the day after I found out Billy was gone. I see the faces that continue to stand with me and my family today as we go through the motions of living life without him. I see love. How else can you explain those who will just sit and listen...or those who at no particular time on any given day pick up the phone just to find out how you are? Nothing else matters anymore, truly. I'm in a season right now where you could say it's dark and a little unsettled and a wee bit confusing, but when I'm still, when I take even just a moment to seek God I see His hand...He's got a plan. I've made some crazy (at least some would say that) decisions in the past few months and I'm not gonna lie...I question myself on those decisions some days, but then God comes in and calms the fear, ceases the questions and reminds me that with each step of faith I take He is right there guiding me.
I invite you to join me on the journey of learning all about love...it's more than an expression, an emotion, or a way to share affection for someone...it's a lifestyle. Nothing else matters, really truly...no amount of money, no job title, no amount of approval from a specific person, nothing else matters if you do not love.